


Next Time, First Time, Maybe not the Last Time

by Laparoscopic



Series: EGS [7]
Category: El Goonish Shive
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, Fairy Doll, Fan Art, First Time, Friendship, Illustrated, Massage, Multi, OT3, OT3+1, Other, Skin Hunger, Therapy, Touching, Triad - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2019-02-20 01:59:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 32,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13136760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laparoscopic/pseuds/Laparoscopic
Summary: The continuing adventures of Susan and the Triad.Will make more sense if you've read the chapterSusan(fromTen Scenes from a Relationship), and the follow-up storySuze & Susan.





	1. Heartbeat

All things considered, Susan wasn’t surprised it took more than two sessions with Dr. Tannen to recount just the basics of what had happened between herself and Sarah, Grace, and Tedd. The whole situation was a little unusual, even for the Uryuom therapist. She plowed doggedly through the events in chronological order, trying to keep things as ordered in her memory as possible. She had written a lot of it down in her journal, which helped her in that respect.

“So…yeah. As it turns out, trying to watch ‘myself’ having sex wasn’t such a good idea. It was rather disturbing.” She flopped her head back against the chair’s cushion and stared at the ceiling.

After a long pause, Dr. Tannen said, “Disturbing how?”

Susan looked back at him and shook her head. “I…think I’ve said all I can about that. For now.”

Dr. Tannen nodded. “Very well. Did you have anything else you wanted to discuss today?”

Susan pushed her hair back from her forehead and blew out a breath. “I don’t know… What’s next on your checklist of Susan’s one thousand and one neuroses to work on today?”

Dr. Tannen _tsk’d_ in gentle reproach. “You know I don’t think of you, or your issues, that way.”

“Yeah, yeah,” said Susan, then felt a little guilty for addressing him so cavalierly. She looked back at him, and said, “But, seriously. I’m stuck at the moment for ideas. You got anything you wanted to ask me about?”

“You’re asking me to choose a conversational direction?”

“Yeah,” said Susan, hoping she wouldn’t regret the decision.

“Hmm.” Dr. Tannen flipped through his note pad, skimming the pages. “There are many things we could address, but—you said your friends said something about ‘the next time’ when you were discussing events the next day.”

Susan was a little startled by his choice. She batted the question aside with a wave of her hand. “That was a joke. Sarah was in the bathroom, and we started that line of conversation just to freak her out when she came out and rejoined us. Just a joke.”

“Whose idea was it?”

“It what?”

“Who initiated the joke? You, Tedd, Grace?”

Susan frowned for a moment, uncertain. “I…don’t recall.”

“Well, was it you?”

“No.”

“Then it must have been Tedd or Grace?”

“Well, yeah. I guess.”

“So, which one of them would think it funny to tease Sarah that way? Have you seen a lot of teasing and joking of that nature between the three of them?”

Susan hesitated. “Well. No. Not really. None of them are really the teasing type. Grace is so sensitive and kindhearted, she’d take most teasing to heart. Teasing her would just be…cruel.”

“So if you didn’t start it, and Grace is too kindhearted to tease that way, that means Tedd initiated the joke?”

“I…guess so.”

“You don’t sound too certain.”

Susan frowned at Dr. Tannen. “Is there some _reason_ you’re harping on this one little joke?”

“Well…is it possible that it wasn’t a joke? That Tedd, or even Grace, brought it up as a sincere offer?”

Susan flushed. “No. We all laughed about it, at Sarah’s reaction to it, then changed the topic.”

“Because it was a joke? Or because the possibility was too uncomfortable to discuss just then, so soon after the previous night’s events?”

Susan buried her face in her hands and rubbed her eyes. “I don’t know,” she mumbled into her hands. “Does it really matter? There’s not going to _be_ a next time.”

“Really? Why not?”

Susan lifted her head and stared at Dr. Tannen, an incredulous look on her face. “Why _not?_ Seriously? That one encounter has provided fodder for more than three whole therapy sessions as it is. If nothing else, I can’t _afford_ to have more encounters like that if that’s always going to be the case. I’d never get a chance to address any of my _other_ multitudinous neuroses.”

Dr. Tannen just smiled at Susan’s hyperbole, and waited.

Susan stared at the watercolor on the wall behind him for a few moments as she thought. Eventually, she sighed. “I don’t know. _Maybe_ it was a serious offer.”

“Would you like it to be?”

Susan was quiet a while longer, her expression inward. She realized she’d been hearing the flutter of wings behind her for the last minute or so. She twisted in her seat to look back at Little Suze. The fairy doll was grinning and flying loop-the-loops behind her. Susan shook her head. “Thanks, brat,” she growled. Little Suze stopped looping and landed in front of the doll house, her grin growing, if anything, broader.

Susan turned around to face Dr. Tannen again. “Yeah, yeah, I’d like it. I’m just not sure if it’s a good idea.”

“Well, those are two different issues.” Susan shrugged in ambivalent agreement. “Let’s set aside for the moment whether or not it’s a good idea and talk about how you feel about it. You _would_ like a repeat occurrence.”

“Of some sort. Maybe not the last bit, with my doppelgänger. That was just too intense. Too close to home. But the rest of it…” She bit her lip. She didn’t want to think too closely about some of the details of that night, not right now; she did _not_ want to get sexually aroused during a therapy session.

She finally settled on, “It was fun.” 

“Fun.”

She gave Dr. Tannen a flat stare. “Yes, fun. Does it need to be anything more than that?”

“No, not necessarily. Fun is certainly a worthwhile objective for a sexual encounter. Did it provide you with anything else, besides fun?”

“Well…it was certainly… _educational_.” Susan’s mouth twitched in a little smile, remembering. “Sarah had tried to tell me what sex was like, back when she first became sexually active, but there’s nothing like actually seeing it for gaining a whole new perspective on it.”

“So…she’s described sex to you. She’s shown it to you. What’s the next step?”

Susan stared at him, baffled. “Next step?”

“Does the next logical step involve action? Participation?”

Susan blushed. “Ah…You can see how small Little Suze is. I don’t think that there’s much I really _could_ participate in.”

“Really? You’ve already said, that Little Suze getting hugged by Sarah was wonderful. Surely that’s not all you can do.”

Susan shut her eyes and shook her head. “Not—I mean, nothing—the image of Little Suze getting…being sexual, with full size lovers, just sounds… _obscene_.”

“How so?”

“It’s…unnatural. That little figure, with people. A magical figure, intruding on such a personal moment.”

“A magical construct that is animated by you. A quote-normal-unquote person. No different from the other three. I can see where it might seem odd if you weren’t animating the fairy doll, but really, in that case it would just be another sex toy. Or fetishistic object. However they might choose to use it. But with you in control of Little Size, it’s not an object. It’s an extension of _you_.”

Susan flushed, and stared at the floor, not looking at Dr. Tannen.

“I’m not suggesting you actually do anything, especially not if it makes you that uncomfortable. But _is_ it something you want to do?”

Susan sat thinking for a long time. Dr. Tannen patiently waited for her to answer the question.

“The way I felt when I woke up in Sarah’s hands…” Susan said quietly. She shook her head. “I…I’ve never felt so warm, and safe, and cherished.” She stared at the floor, looking a little sad. “I haven’t been held like that in forever, not since I was a child, a baby. Whole body. Enveloped. Skin-to-skin. Safe, trusting. Warm.” Susan sighed. “Loved.”

Dr. Tannen let her sit in contemplative silence for a minute longer, then said, “So, there is something desirable about actual physical interaction via Little Suze. Contact.”

Susan shrugged. “Yes, of course. But it’s a huge step to go from hugging to any kind of sexual contact.” She flashed a wry little grin. “And it’s not as if Little Suze can go the traditional progression from cuddling, to kissing, to petting, to sex. The scale imbalance in lip-size alone makes kissing a little problematic.”

“So, does that mean you need to cut Little Suze out of the equation?”

Susan froze. “What do you mean,” she asked, in a flat voice.

Dr. Tannen just smiled and looked back at her.

Susan flushed and looked aside. “That…would be a huge next step. Going from magically mediated second-hand hugging to real life. And I haven’t been able to come up with any idea of how I would ask them if I could. Join them, that is. As myself.”

“You seem to be implying that you’ve at least considered the idea, before now.”

Susan closed her eyes and flopped her head back on the chair back. “Yeah,” she whispered. She took a deep breath, then looked back at Dr. Tannen and snorted. “It makes for some good masturbatory fantasies, at the very least. But I always have to skip the initial…set-up. How we got there in the first place. I can’t come up with any scenarios that seem likely, realistic.” After three sessions devoted to discussing various aspects of sex, Susan had finally reached the point where she could discuss her masturbation habits and fantasies without blushing. Too much.

“Well, you could approach it the way you approached the first encounter. By talking about it first.”

“You mean, wait until late, late at night when we’re exhausted and a little punchy and our defenses are down before broaching the subject?”

“That was only your first conversation on the matter, with Sarah. The conversation between the four of you was in the full light of day.”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t know if I’ve ever said, but I was impressed with how the four of you handled that. It was a remarkably reasonable and mature way to approach a delicate situation.”

“Well, they rather relentlessly practice their motto of ‘communicate, communicate, communicate.’ It’s not like I had any choice _not_ to discuss the matter.”

“Of course you did. You could have just let the whole matter drop, and not pursue it at all. Instead you chose to engage. Verbally, mentally, and emotionally, long before you engaged sexually.”

“Yeah.” Susan bit her lip. “Fantasies aside, I’m not totally sure I’m _ready_ to engage. Sexually. As me, I mean, and not as Little Suze. But…”

After a few moments of silence, Dr. Tannen prompted, “But?”

“But…I’d really like…to cuddle. More. In many ways, being held by Sarah was the high point of that evening. Just feeling her hold me. Surround me.” She made eye contact with Dr. Tannen. “That memory, it’s precious. My treasure.” She flushed. “It gives me…hope. For myself.”

“What kind of hope?”

“That I might be able to touch someone freely, someday, without getting all neurotic about it.”

“You said you hugged all three of them the next day. And, as we’ve discussed other events over the past couple of weeks, it sounds like that wasn’t the only time.”

Susan frowned, and looked thoughtful. “I…yeah…I hadn’t noticed it, but…I guess I have been more…touchy. With the three of them, anyway. Since then.” She shook her head. “Even with Tedd. Why didn’t I notice that?”

“You noticed it enough that you’ve told me of individual events of contact, since then.”

“Yes, well, they’re still rare enough to be worthy of comment.”

“So, taking it a little more slowly. Do you think you could ask for more cuddling from them? Or at least from Sarah?”

Susan sighed and considered Sarah. She knew, intellectually, that her friend had no problems with hugging, cuddling, contact with people other than her lovers. Grace was the most touchy-feely person she knew, and her lovers seemed to follow her lead to a lesser extent, frequently touching and hugging and rubbing the shoulders of various other friends.

Just not her. Or at least, not as often. Dr. Tannen was right, she _had_ been getting more hugs from the trio in the past few weeks than she ever had before.

“I’m not sure _how_ to ask for more contact,” she admitted slowly. “It’s…an awkward question. At least, for me. Out of character.”

“Out of character for who you used to be, perhaps. Less so for who you are now, maybe? Or for who you want to become?”

“Eh. Yeah.” She smiled briefly. “I guess that _was_ one of my stated goals for therapy, to become more comfortable with physical contact.”

“Indeed.” He glanced at his wrist watch, and cleared his throat gently. “I’m afraid we’re about out of time for today. I’m not suggesting that you ask Sarah for more hugs or cuddling if you’re not comfortable with it, but perhaps think about _how_ you might ask for that, over the next few days?”

“Yeah. That sounds…doable.”

“Anything else you needed to say, today?”

“No, no.” Susan smiled tiredly. “I’m pretty talked out at the moment.” She stood up and picked up her shoulder bag. For once, Little Suze flew into the bag without prompting. Susan wasn’t quite sure what that meant, if anything. The little figure smiled up at her, then snuggled in, before Susan withdrew the magic that animated it.

“Then I’ll see you next Monday.”

“Thanks.”

“Call me if anything comes up.”

 

* * *

 

 

Dr. Tannen’s suggestion that she think about how she might ask Sarah for more physical contact preoccupied her for the next couple of days. She found herself thinking about it at odd times, like while at work, distracting her. Tensaided even asked her if she was feeling all right, when she checked out a customer renting _Love, Actually_ without making a single snarky comment.

Sarah had spent the majority of her free time with Tedd and Grace over the last few months, but she was finally coming out of that initial all-consuming stage of falling in love, and was making a conscious effort to spend more time with other friends. So when she called and asked Susan if she’d like to hang out at Centennial Beach on Sunday afternoon, Susan happily agreed. They made plans to meet up at Susan’s house first, then head out from there.

By the time Sunday rolled around Susan had mulled over the question of how to ask Sarah for more physical contact so many times that she was thoroughly sick of it. Enough so that she wasn’t even nervous about the prospect of spending the afternoon hanging out with her. _Dr. Tannen suggested just_ ** _thinking_** _about it for now_ , she reminded herself _. I don’t have to actually do or say anything_.

She was just pouring herself a glass of iced tea when Sarah arrived, so she offered her friend a glass too, before heading out. They wandered up to Susan's room so they could change into swimsuits before leaving.

Having reassured herself that she didn't need to say anything to Sarah about more physical contact, Susan wasn’t prepared for the words that came out of her mouth without conscious thought when Sarah sat down on her bed and leaned back against the headboard. “Would you mind if I sat next to you?”

Sarah gave her a puzzled smile. She sat up a little, set her glass of iced tea down on the bedside table (on a coaster, Susan noted, _thank you, Sarah_ ). “Uh…no. Why would I mind?”

Susan bit her lip. _Frak, why did I say that?_ But the door having been opened, she decided to follow through. “Well, it’s…not my usual habit.” She usually sat in the desk chair, or at the foot of the bed.

Sarah, still looking a little puzzled, shrugged and patted the mattress next to her. “Have a seat.”

Susan sat down slowly, on the edge of the bed, sitting bolt upright with her own glass of tea in hand. Her hip was _almost_ touching Sarah’s leg, but not quite. She didn’t look at Sarah, but found herself staring at the glass in her hand, as if it were suddenly fascinating.

“Hey,” Sarah said quietly. Susan looked over at her friend. “What’s up?”

“Nothing,” Susan answered quickly. Sarah arched a skeptical eyebrow at her, still smiling gently.

“What’s bothering you?”

“Who—” _said anything’s bothering me_ , she started to say, but she cut herself off. It was a ridiculous demurral, under the circumstances. And besides, she owed Sarah more honesty than that. She sighed. “It’s hard for me to say.”

Susan returned her attention to her tea, thumb tracing a pattern through the condensation on the side of the glass. After a few moments of silence, Sarah asked, “Did you want to talk about…something?”

Susan nodded. Sarah, thankfully, didn’t say anything more, but gave her a minute of silence to gather her thoughts. She finally took a long drink of her tea. Thus fortified, she turned a little to face Sarah, the slight twist putting her leg into contact with Sarah’s leg. She tried to ignore that, and was pleased that Sarah didn’t withdraw either. _Probably doesn’t even notice it,_ she thought. _To her, it’s a trivial touch._

Taking a deep breath, she said, “I’m not sure if I’ve ever properly said thank-you for holding me, and comforting me…that night.”

Sarah looked surprised. “No thanks needed. It was my pleasure.”

Susan nodded. “Mine too. Perhaps more than you know.”

“Oh?”

Susan stared back at her glass, avoiding Sarah’s eyes. “Being held. Being _touched_ like that. Even if it was by proxy. It was…” Susan was a little surprised to realize her eyes were prickling. She’d thought she was past that. She blinked rapidly, trying to keep the tears from forming. “Wonderful,” she finished, then grimaced a little at the inadequacy of that single word. She hurriedly took another sip of tea, and closed her eyes to keep the tears at bay.

Her eyes closed, she didn’t see Sarah’s hand approaching, so she jumped a little when Sarah rested a hand on her shoulder, squeezing gently. But Sarah didn’t withdraw at Susan’s jump, but left her hand there, a warm, comforting presence.

 _Frak. Go for it,_ she told herself. _If I continue just thinking about this for the next few days, I’ll drive myself crazy._ She opened her eyes and turned to Sarah. “That whole evening was wonderful. But the high point, for me, was you holding me. Holding Little Suze. Whatever. It _felt_ like you were holding me.”

Sarah nodded. “Yeah, I got that impression, from our discussion the next day.”

“And…I just realized, talking about it in therapy the other day, that you three have been more touchy with me since then. Giving me a lot more hugs.”

Sarah smiled. “I’m not sure you could call it a _lot_ of hugs. Well, except in contrast to your usual, I suppose.”

Susan nodded, and took a sip of tea to clear her throat. “Yes. Well. The thing is…” She paused and looked down at her hands, clutching the glass.

Sarah suddenly looked abashed, and dropped her hand from Susan’s shoulder. “Oh, jeez, I’m sorry, have we been touching you _too_ much? Have we been pushing you?”

Susan shook her head, and set the glass down on the bedside table. “No, no, no, not at all. Quite the contrary.”

This time _both_ of Sarah’s eyebrows went up “The contrary? You mean…?”

Susan blushed, and sighed. “Yeah. I—I’d like more,” she said, her voice nearly a whisper. She gave Sarah a hesitant smile. “I mean, if you don’t—”

Before she could finish the sentence, Sarah leaned forward, and wrapped her arms around Susan, startling her to silence. Susan froze for a moment, then sighed softly, feeling like she was melting a little. Her spine lost its rigidity. She leaned into the hug, then tentatively brought her own hands up to hug Sarah back.

They sat that way for a moment, awkwardly hugging side-by-side, then Sarah asked, “Is this okay?”

Susan nodded. Her internal battle between her usual tension at being touched, and the calming presence of Sarah’s arms around her, was going decidedly in favor of Sarah. She felt a quiver of her usual unease, but the warmth and comfort of Sarah’s presence rapidly outweighed that discomfort.

Sarah dropped her arms from around Susan, and Susan was momentarily disappointed, but Sarah shifted around on the bed, pulling one leg up behind Susan. She leaned back against the pillows piled against the headboard, so she was partially reclining. “Come here, you,” she said, opening her arms to Susan, inviting a more comfortable embrace.

Susan bit her lip, then slowly, hesitantly, stretched out in Sarah’s arms, resting her head on Sarah’s chest. The position felt a little strange. Being taller than Sarah, she was used to having Sarah’s head resting on _her_ shoulder or chest when they hugged. It felt odd, but…surprisingly comforting. She wrapped one arm across Sarah’s waist, her other arm tucked underneath her.

Sarah squeezed her tight for a moment, then relaxed her grip, letting her arms rest gently around Susan. After a few moments, she asked softly, “This still good?”

Susan nodded again. She closed her eyes, and sighed, feeling her shoulders drop and her body slump against Sarah’s as she did so. “Very good,” she murmured.

Sarah gently brushed a long strand of Susan’s hair out of her face, then continued run her hand down the length of her long hair, gently stroking Susan’s arm and back.

After a few moments of this quiet cuddle, Sarah said, “I’m glad you asked me for this. I know it couldn’t have been easy for you.”

Susan chuckled. “Actually, it was almost accidental. Or maybe subconscious. I didn’t even know I was going to ask to sit next to you until I did so.” She hesitated, then admitted, “Not that I haven’t been _thinking_ about it for days.”

“Days? Really?”

Susan nodded. “Yeah. The idea came up in therapy last week, and…I’ve been thinking about it ever since.”

“Oh.” After a few more moments of companionable silence, Sarah asked curiously, “Do you talk about us much, in therapy? Me and Tedd and Grace, I mean.”

Susan snorted. “Are you kidding? You’ve been one of the main topics of discussion. That night with the three of you stirred up a lot of... _stuff_ that I need to deal with."

"Oh!" Sarah sounded a little startled. "I...guess that makes sense."

Susan craned her neck a little to look at Sarah's face. "Sorry, does that bother you?"

Sarah shook her head. "No, no, it's your therapy, you should discuss whatever you need to in order to, uh, therapise. I just...I dunno, I guess I had a mental image of you stretched out on a couch, talking about deep-seated childhood traumas with a Sigmund Freud-looking old man. Not talking about recent stuff."

Susan chuckled. "Well, for starters, Dr. Tannen is younger than my mother, and clean-shaven. And I sit in a chair, not a couch. And, yeah, we may dig into my past a fair bit, but it's the present that stimulates that discussion, on a day-by-day basis."

"Huh. Okay." Sarah fell silent, her hand still absently stroking Susan's hair.

Susan closed her eyes, and did her best to relax into the feeling. _Her hands are clean_ , she admonished herself. _Just enjoy the moment._ She snuggled in a little closer to Sarah.

"Huh," said Susan, as she processed what she was hearing.

"What?"

"I just realized...I can hear your heartbeat."

Sarah chuckled, gently bouncing Susan's head a little in the process. "Oh, good, I'm still alive."

"I...I don't think I've ever heard someone else's heartbeat before. Not like this." She lay there with her eyes closed, listening to the gentle _lub-lub, lub-lub_ of her friend’s heart, accompanied by the faint _whoosh_ of her breath.

"Oh. No, I guess you wouldn't have."

The strangeness of it disturbed Susan, although she couldn’t quite say why. After listening to another half-dozen heartbeats, she gently pushed herself up, out of Sarah’s embrace. Sarah let her go without comment. Susan swung her legs around off the edge of the bed, and sat for a moment, staring at the carpet, trying to figure out what was bothering her.

“You okay?” asked Sarah.

Susan nodded. “Yeah. I’m just…” She gave Sarah a sad smile. “How pathetic am I, that I’d never heard another person’s heartbeat until after I was eighteen?”

Sarah rested a hand on Susan’s shoulder again, and squeezed gently. “That’s the wrong way to look at it,” she said quietly, shaking her head.

“Oh?”

“ _Celebrate_ the first time you got to hear another person’s heartbeat. That it happened at all. You’re certainly not the only person who’s never heard one before.” Sarah gave her a warm smile. “I’m glad it could be me.”

Susan gave a short bitter laugh and shook her head.

“Susan.”

“What?”

“Where are my legs?”

“What?” Susan looked at Sarah, puzzled, then she looked down. She had remained between Sarah’s legs when she sat up. The calf of one of Sarah’s legs was still draped across her lap, the other leg behind her, pressed up against her back. “Oh.”

“You didn’t even notice, did you?”

“I…no. I guess not.”

Sarah smiled. “Did you imagine, a month ago, that you could ever be that oblivious to the fact that I’m touching you like this?”

“Um. No.” Susan waited a moment, expecting her usual nervousness at physical contact to resurface. She felt a little unease, but overall, the reaction was rather…weak. “Hmm.” She smiled a little.

“I don’t think it’s something you can make go away with a couple of cuddles and a therapy session, but…you _are_ getting less up-tight. Less…neurotic about it.”

Susan nodded. “Yeah. Thanks,” she said quietly. She ran a hand through her hair, brushing it back over her shoulder. It was a bit mussed up, from Sarah stroking it. She was a little surprised to find that she didn’t mind.

Susan took a deeper breath, and sat up straighter. She smiled at Sarah. “Thanks, Sare,” she repeated. She slid out from under Sarah’s leg and stood up. “So. Should we put on our swim suits and head out?”

“Sure. Sounds good.”

Susan turned to her dresser and bent to dig through the bottom drawer for her swim suit and the shorts she wore with it when out in public. She turned back to to Sarah, saying, “Do you want use— _oh!_ ” She broke off, as she saw Sarah, shirtless, reaching behind her back to unfasten her bra.

“Do I want to use what?”

“Ah…I was going to say, use the bathroom first to change, but, um…”

Sarah paused, bra in hand, looking blankly at Susan. “Uh. You’ve seen me naked before. You’ve seen me having _sex_ , for goodness’ sake. What do I have left to feel modest about?”

“Well, nothing, but…that was a different situation. A different context.”

Sarah shrugged. “I guess.” Her mouth quirked in a little smile. “Hanging out with Grace has influenced my sense of body modesty a bit, I suppose,” she admitted. “I’m sorry, I can go change in the bathroom if it bothers you.” She pulled her bathing suit out of her backpack, and turned towards the door.

“No, no, you’re right, it’s fine, I just…I wasn’t expecting it. You’re right, it’s silly.”

Sarah turned back. “You sure? I don’t want to make things awkward.”

“No, you’re fine.” She hesitated a moment, looking at her own suit in her hand. “But, I hope you don’t mind if _I_ use the bathroom to change.”

Sarah smiled. “Why would I mind? Do what makes you most comfortable.” She dropped her swim suit on the bed, and unbuttoned her shorts.

“Right. Right.” Susan beat a hasty retreat to the adjoining bathroom.

She closed the door behind her, and paused for a moment, looking at her reflection in the mirror. Her cheeks were a little red, she was embarrassed to note. _Get a grip_ , she scolded herself. _She’s right, it’s nothing you haven’t seen before._

But somehow, although they had changed clothes in each others’ presence before, it felt different, now. Seeing Sarah have sex somehow made Susan _more_ embarrassed to see her friend nude, not less. Before, she had just been…Sarah. A body. Now, she was…what? Susan frowned in thought.

Before, Sarah had just been a friend. Sexually neutral. But now, even though she still felt no attraction to Sarah, she couldn’t help seeing her in a sexual light. Seeing her bare breasts, where she’d just been innocently resting her head a few minutes before, brought back memories. Memories of Tedd and Grace, both deliciously male, licking and fondling and sucking those breasts—

Susan shook her head, and quashed that train of thought. _Get your mind out of the gutter_ , she grumbled to herself.

She stripped and tossed her clothes into the laundry hamper. She pulled on the swim suit and swim trunks, then paused to look at herself in the mirror, making sure she was presentable for public.

Her face was still red, she noted with annoyance. And her nipples were rather prominent, even though the swim suit had some padding in the cups to hide such physiological embarrassments.

She glared at her traitorous nipples for a moment, then bent down to pull her t-shirt out of the laundry hamper. With a resigned sigh, she slipped it back on.

Exiting the bathroom, she was relieved to find that Sarah had finished changing. She was a little startled by Sarah’s swim suit; she wasn’t in her usual one-piece. “Cute bikini,” she said.

Sarah gave her a bashful smile. “Thanks. Grace made me buy it a couple of weeks ago. This will be the first time I’ve worn it anywhere other than sunbathing in the back yard.” She pulled her jean shorts back on over the bikini bottom and zipped them up.

Indeed, Susan noted that Sarah’s back and belly showed signs of tanning, a change since she’d last seen her nude. “Well, it looks good on you. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in a two-piece.”

“Nope. It’s a first.”

Susan grabbed her own backpack, double-checked to make sure she had suntan lotion and a towel, and said, “Well, let’s go.”

 

* * *

 

 

Once at the beach, they looked at the throngs of people in the water, and then looked at each other.

“ _That_ …is a lot of people,” said Sarah dubiously.

“A warm, sunny Sunday afternoon, who’d’ve thunk?”

Sarah laughed. “Yeah. I think I can skip swimming today. What say we find a nice, uncrowded patch of grass, and just sunbathe?”

Susan scanned the area. “If there _are_ any uncrowded patches of grass, sure.”

“The further we go from the water the better it looks.”

“Okay.”

They eventually found an empty spot and spread out their beach towels. Sarah wriggled out of her shorts, and Susan pulled off her t-shirt. They both pulled sunscreen out of their backpacks and applied it to their arms and legs, then Sarah held her tube out to Susan. “Can you do my back?”

“Sure, if you’ll do me?”

“Of course.”

Sarah turned her back to Susan, and Susan squirted some lotion into her hand. She rubbed it quickly and efficiently onto Sarah’s back, trying to get it done with a minimum of fuss. Sarah’s new bikini left about twice as much skin exposed as she was used to. She hesitated a second, then slipped her hands under the straps, in order to get complete coverage. Sarah didn’t comment on it, so Susan guessed she’d made the right decision.

“There. That should do.”

“Thanks.” Sarah turned around, and Susan handed her her sunscreen. Susan turned her back to Sarah, and pulled her hair to the front of her body, exposing her back. She heard the wet _sprrt_ of the lotion being squeezed out of the bottle into Sarah’s hand, then there was a pause.

“Um. I don’t know if this is the right time or place to suggest this…” said Sarah hesitantly.

Susan twisted her head to look back at Sarah. “What?”

“Well…you said you wanted more touching?” Sarah said quietly.

“…Yes?…”

“Why don’t you lie down, and I can give you a mini-massage, rubbing the lotion on your back.”

Susan blinked, and stared at Sarah for a moment. “I…” She paused, and licked her lips nervously. “That sounds… _nice_. But. Uh.” She looked around the crowded park. No one seemed to be watching them, but the presence of others still made her uncomfortable.

“Maybe some other time? More to the point, at some other, more private, place?”

Sarah also looked around at the other people, and nodded in understanding. “Sure. Let me just get this on you, then.”

“Thanks.”

Sarah applied the lotion quickly and efficiently, much to Susan’s relief. Susan twisted her hair up in a bun to keep it off of the lotion on her back, then pulled a book and a water bottle out of her backpack.

She tried to focus on her book as she basked in the warmth of the sun, but her mind kept drifting back to Sarah’s offer. She glanced over at Sarah, who was apparently dozing, her eyes hidden behind sunglasses. Susan let her gaze wander along the length of her friend’s body. She was actually a little surprised at how good Sarah looked in her pink bikini. The suit was well cut to nicely emphasize her figure’s strengths.

“How do I look?” asked Sarah, startling Susan.

“Ah…” Susan looked away, flustered at being caught out. “Sorry, I thought you were asleep.”

Sarah chuckled. “No problem.” She rolled onto her side, and propped her head up on her elbow. She pushed her sunglasses up on top of her head. “You seemed to be studying me?”

Susan shrugged. “Well…I was just thinking. It’s odd how such a small bit of cloth”—she waved at Sarah’s bikini—“can make you look, well, sexier. Than you do just naked. Not that you don’t look fine naked, I mean, but, uh…” she trailed off, uncertain as to how to dig herself out of this conversational pit. 

Sarah laughed. “You think this is good, you should see Grace in _her_ bikini. Wuff!”

Susan smiled at the slightly goofy love-struck look on her friend’s face. Then she took a breath to brace herself, and plunged on.

“You know…I really _would_ like to take you up on that offer. Of a back rub. Sometime. If you don’t mind.”

Sarah smiled. “Of course I don’t mind. I wouldn’t have offered if I did.”

“Oh. Thanks.”

Sarah glanced around the park. “So, if not in the middle of a crowd, where? And when?”

Susan shrugged. “Whenever’s good for you. My place or yours?”

“Whatever is easier.”

Sarah considered it for a moment. “Let’s do it at your place, then. You have more room in your bedroom.”

Susan felt a flash of relief at the suggestion, and realized that she actually did have a preference. “And I think being on my own turf will be more relaxing,” she admitted.

Sarah nodded. “You still working evenings?”

“Mostly.”

“Well, then, how about next Wednesday afternoon. That’s the next day I have off.”

“Great.”

“It’s a date.” Sarah smiled at Susan, then lay back down and closed her eyes. Susan returned to her book, hoping she would finally be able to focus on it a bit better. But before she could get into the story, she had a thought that made her grin.

_Heh. Dr. Tannen is going to be very surprised at this weekend’s progress._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Backrub

 

Susan flinched when the doorbell rang on Wednesday afternoon, then she frowned at herself. _Get a grip. It’s just Sarah._ But she was still wound up and nervous.

 _I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to do_ , she reminded herself. _It’s just Sarah. She’ll respect my limitations. My boundaries._

She answered the door to find Sarah on her doorstep, a backpack in one hand, and what looked like a rolled-up yoga mat in the other. “Hi, Susan.”

“Hi yourself. Come on in.” She held the door open for Sarah. “What’s with the yoga mat?”

“Actually, it’s a sleeping pad. You know, like for camping?”

“Okay. What’s it for?”

“It’s for laying on. Lying on? I always get that mixed up.”

“Lying on. You want something to drink?”

“Just water, thanks. Anyway, a sleeping pad makes a good surface for doing massage on.”

“Oh.” Susan filled two glasses with ice and water. “I guess I’d just assumed we’d do it on the bed.”

Sarah shook her head. “Nah. Beds are fine for a quickie back rub, or sexy-times massage, but they’re too flexible for serious massage. Your body sinks too far into the mattress, and it could get uncomfortable with your back bending backwards if I put a lot of pressure on your spine.”

“Oh.” Susan led Sarah up the stairs to her room, glasses in hand. “So what’s in the backpack?”

“A soft flannel sheet, to put over the pad, and, um…”

Susan led them to her room, and set the glasses down on her desk. She looked at Sarah, who was looking a little bashful. “Um?”

“I also brought a few different scents of massage oil. Just in case you wanted to try them.”

“ _Oh._ ” Susan glanced at the backpack, wondering if it concealed any other surprises. “Uh, that would require me taking off my clothes, yes?”

“Well, shirt and bra, at the least. But only if you want to,” she added hastily. “If you’re comfortable with it. The whole point of a massage is to relax, so if it makes you tense, never mind. Or I can just use it on your arms and hands, since they're already bare.”

“Oh. Ah…” Susan paused a moment, considering. “Maybe not to start?”

“Sure. Like I said, the idea is to relax you, not make your more tense.”

“Right.”

Sarah said, “ ‘Scuse me a moment,” then stepped into the bathroom.

She left the door open, and Susan could see her washing her hands at the sink. She felt a small tension that she hadn’t even realized was there fade away. Susan sighed, and shook her head.

Sarah came back into the room, and said, “Let me just get things set up here.” She knelt to unfasten the strap around the pad. She unrolled it on the floor in the area between the bed and desk, then unzipped her backpack. As she pulled out the sheet, she said, “Speaking of bras…even if I’m working through your shirt, it’d be easier, and more pleasant, if you weren’t wearing one. The straps just get in the way.”

“Uh, yeah, that makes sense.”

Sarah smiled up at her. “Same caveat, only if you’re comfortable, I don’t want to make you tenser, et cetera.”

Susan smiled back. “I think I can handle being bra-less in the comfort of my own room.” She hesitated a moment, then mentally shrugged and pulled her t-shirt up over her head, and draped it over her desk chair. She slipped out of her bra, folded it and placed it on the desk, then pulled her t-shirt back on. She glanced at Sarah, a little relieved to see she hadn’t been watching her, but was working on spreading the sheet out on the pad.

 _Of course she wasn’t watching me, why would she?_ Susan thought to herself. She had experienced occasional little flashes of discomfort, dealing with her best friend’s recently realized bisexuality, but she trusted Sarah. Knew that she respected Susan’s own orientation.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” she asked.

“Do you have a small pillow for your head? Not a bed pillow, just something small and thin to pad your head a bit.”

“Ah…” Susan looked around her room. “Mister Snuffles?”

Sarah laughed. “Perfect.” Susan retrieved the small fuzzy gray pillow, which had a trunk and eyes on one side, and soft floppy ears to make it look like an elephant head. Sarah had given it to Susan years ago, and it still rested on a shelf, where it could look out over her room.

Susan hugged the pillow to her chest, and looked down at Sarah, suddenly nervous again. “How do we start?”

Sarah patted the pad she was kneeling beside. “You lay down, on your stomach, and relax. Let me do all the work.”

“All right.” Susan hesitated, then asked, “Could you…would you mind…” She huffed a short breath, annoyed with herself at her hesitancy. “Could I get a hug, first?”

Sarah’s smile grew wider, and she pushed herself to her feet. “Of course.” She paused, looking down. “Uh, did you want me to give Mister Snuffles a hug, too?”

Susan laughed, and tossed the pillow onto the pad on the floor. She opened her arms, and Sarah stepped into her embrace, burying her face in Susan’s hair and breathing in. Susan shut her eyes and just enjoyed the comfort for a moment.

“Thanks,” said Susan quietly.

“My pleasure.”

Susan shook her head. “Not just for the hug. Thanks for being such a wonderful friend. And being so patient with me.” She chuckled a little. “Thanks for being a part of my therapy.”

Sarah chuckled in response. “Again, my pleasure. You’re a wonderful friend, too.”

“I’m glad you think so.”

“I know so. And I like giving massages. It makes me feel good, making _you_ feel good.”

Susan squeezed Sarah tighter for a moment, then released her and stepped back a half step.

Sarah rubbed her hands together. “Okay, then. Let’s do this thing.”

Susan laughed, then knelt on the sheet-covered sleeping pad, preparatory to lying down. She resisted the urge to ask Sarah if the sheet had been washed recently. Sarah knew her, knew her neuroses. She’d washed her hands, after all. She surely would have taken care of that.

 _If she remembered…_ came the unbidden thought.

_Shit._

She sighed, and cast a guilty glance at Sarah. “Uh, I hate to ask…” _I_ ** _really_** _hate to ask_ , she thought glumly.

“Yes?”

“Has the sheet been washed since its last use?” Her face was red, and she couldn’t look Sarah in the eye.

Sarah placed a hand on Susan’s shoulder, and Susan looked up at her. Sarah’s answering smile was warm and compassionate, with no judgement visible. “Yes, of course. The idea is to relax you. I know you wouldn’t be able to relax on dirty linens.”

Susan grimaced and gave an embarrassed nod. “Sorry. Of course. Thanks.”

“One step at a time, sweetie. You _are_ getting better about these things.”

Susan nodded again, but said nothing. Taking a deep breath, she lay down on the pad, and flipped Mister Snuffles over, button “eyes” down so they wouldn’t dig into her cheek.

“You’ve never had a massage before, have you?” asked Sarah.

Susan snorted. “Not hardly.”

“So, I’ll start out light, and slowly increase pressure. You let me know if I’m going too hard or too soft. It’ll be easier to work on your shoulders if your arms are down by your sides, by the way, not folded under your head.”

“Oh. Okay.” Susan adjusted her arms accordingly. Her face pressed a little more firmly into Mister Snuffles, and a wisp of nostalgic smell from the old stuffed figure filled her nose. She smiled a little at the scent.

“Ah…would you mind if I sat on your butt?”

Susan lifted her head and twisted a little to look at Sarah, kneeling beside her. “Pardon?”

Sara shrugged. “I can work from the side if you’re more comfortable that way. But it’s easier to maintain equal pressure on both sides of your body if I’m centered on you. Sitting on your butt.”

“Oh. Uh, sure.” Susan had seen her friends doing that when giving each other back rubs. She’d just not thought about it in terms of herself. She put her head back down, and closed her eyes. She heard Sarah moving around for a moment, then she swung a leg over Susan’s back and knelt over her waist.

She wasn’t really sitting fully on Susan’s butt; most of her weight was on her knees. But Susan was still conscious of the pressure on her buttocks. She knew it was a practical choice, but the awareness of another person’s body pressing against a private part of her body was a little disconcerting.

But _not_ , she was a little surprised to notice, in her usual, phobic way. She wasn’t feeling on edge or wanting to flee. She was just a little bit, well… _embarrassed_. For no good reason that she could articulate to herself.

Then her attention was drawn up her body by Sarah lifting the long mass of her hair, and setting it to the side. Sarah gently squeezed the trapezius muscles at the tops of her shoulders, causing a shiver to run down Susan’s spine. “Now, let me know if I’m rubbing too hard or anything,” said Sarah. “Or if you need to, you know, just take a break from all the touching.”

“ ‘Kay,” mumbled Susan into Mister Snuffles.

Sarah ran her hands from Susan’s shoulders on down to her arms, then repeated the motion a couple of times, slowly increasing the pressure she applied. It felt more like being petted than massaged, but Susan didn’t mind.

Susan had been worried about the whole massage thing—an activity based on nothing _but_ physical contact with another person—so she was pleased to find that the relaxation it produced overwhelmed her nervous tension in fairly short order.

So much so that, a few minutes into the back rub, Susan muttered, “Oh, to heck with it. Can I sit up a moment?”

“Sure.” Sarah moved to Susan’s side. “Too much touching?” she asked, a little note of concern in her voice.

Susan sat up and shook her head. She gave Sarah a shy smile, and admitted, “Quite the opposite, actually,” and she peeled off her t-shirt.

Sarah looked pleased. “Well, okay then. What scent of oil would you like me to use?”

“What are my options?” Susan held her t-shirt in front of her breasts for a moment, then she forced herself to toss it up onto the bed beside them.

Sarah turned to rummage through her backpack. “I’ve got sweetgrass, sandalwood, bergamot, and chamomile.” She pulled out a gallon ziploc bag holding four small squeeze bottles, each with a hand-written label. “We use these with Grace, so the scents are pretty faint.”

“Eh? Why so?”

“Grace’s sense of smell is very acute. So too much scent is just overwhelming for her.”

Susan thought about that for a moment, then snorted. “She must really hate those boys who substitute Hatchet body spray for regular bathing.”

Sarah chuckled. “Don’t ever mention that to her, unless you’re in the mood for a ten minute rant.”

“Grace? Ranting?” Susan found that somewhat hard to picture.

“It doesn’t happen often. But a sneezing fit or headache brought on by too many boys in the area can set her off.”

Susan laughed, and lay back down. “Sandalwood sounds nice.”

“Great. That’s a new scent, I just bought it.”

Sarah resumed her position sitting on Susan’s butt, and Susan heard her rubbing her oily hands together.

Susan sighed as Sarah spread the oil over her back. Even just that simple touch, without pressure, felt wonderful. When Sarah began to apply pressure, letting her thumbs slide down the length of Susan’s spine, Susan moaned. Then she tensed up again in embarrassment at that raw, sensual sound.

“Sorry,” she muttered into Mister Snuffles.

Sarah chuckled, her hands not stilling. “Don’t be. Everyone moans and groans when getting a back rub. At least, if it’s a good one. It’s a compliment. And it lets me know what feels best, what I should pay more attention to.”

“Oh. Okay.” She was still embarrassed, though, and resolved to be more quiet.

That resolve was sorely tested in fairly short order, however. Susan was amazed at how much better the massage felt with oil, Sarah’s hands sliding effortlessly over her skin, seeming to actually squeeze tension out of her muscles.But that moan had been too embarrassingly honest a response to Sarah’s touch for Susan to feel comfortable letting herself vocalize her pleasure again, so she kept her mouth shut. Only a soft little breath of a whimper escaped now and then as Sarah worked up and down her back, then down the length of her arms.

To Susan’s surprise, it was her hand that was her undoing. She hadn’t realized that her hands could hold so much tension. But as Sarah dug into the fleshy base of her thumb, and kneaded her palm, the relaxation it produced sent a small surge of pleasure up her arm to the rest of her body, and Susan finally decided that holding back was silly. Sarah had _said_ that moaning was normal during a massage. And she’d heard other friends moan and groan while getting a back rub.

Taking a deep breath, she relaxed her jaw, and let out a low-voiced sigh of release. But to her shock, it didn’t stop at that. Her next breath came out sharper, faster, and so did the next. And before she knew what was happening, her breathing hitched, and she was crying quietly into Mister Snuffles.

She had no idea where the tears were coming from, exactly, or what they were for. But the release of tension, of letting her guard down, poured out of her in the form of tears, not moans. Having decided to let go, she couldn’t stop the wave of emotion rolling through her, and, for the moment, she didn’t want to, either. She trusted Sarah enough to allow herself this emotional vulnerability. At least for a short time.

Sarah’s hands never faltered in their work, but kept on rubbing her hands, then slid back up her arms. A strong squeeze of Susan’s shoulders produced a fresh release of emotion, and Susan kept on crying, the relief of letting go overwhelming her.

Sarah rested her hands on top of Susan’s shoulders, and slowly lay down atop of Susan, pressing her body to the ground in an odd form of hug. “Shhh… it’s all right,” she murmured in Susan’s ear. “Yes…yes…”

Susan couldn’t cry for long. Her normal inhibitions reasserted themselves in fairly short order, and her breathing slowed and steadied itself. She was amazed at how comforting the warm weight on her back felt, and she lay there just feeling her friend’s presence for a minute. But soon, practicalities got in the way.

“I really need a kleenex,” she mumbled into Mister Snuffles.

Sarah chuckled, then sat up, and stood up. She stepped over to Susan’s bedside stand, and pulled a few tissues from a box. Susan propped herself up on her elbows, and took them from Sarah with a nod of thanks.

As Susan finished blowing her nose, Sarah sat down next to her and rested a hand on the small of her back. “What was that about?” she asked.

Susan shrugged, and lay back down, resting her head on her crossed arms. “Nothing in particular. Just…tension release, I guess.” She frowned, recalling the last time she had cried, then grumbled, “Hells bells, am I going to end up crying every time you touch me?”

Sarah snorted. “Twice hardly counts as ‘every time’.”

“Yeah, but…” Susan trailed off, embarrassed by her emotional display.

“Hey. Stop that.”

“Stop what?”

“That scowl. You’re beating yourself up about losing control or something, aren’t you.”

Susan opened her mouth to issue a denial, then she stopped and sighed. “It’s possible you know me too well.”

Sarah ran her still-oily hand up and down Susan’s back, not digging in like a massage, just gently stroking and soothing. “That was nothing to be embarrassed about. It’s happened before.”

“Really?” Susan glanced up at Sarah, sitting beside her. “When?”

Sarah hesitated a moment, then said, “Grace’s first exposure to final exams really stressed her out. Which seems silly, given how bright she is. But Tedd and I gave her a massage at the end of exam week to help her relax, and the tension all poured out in a flood of tears.” Sarah smiled in reminiscence. “Except in her case, it only took about three minutes of massage. You lasted almost twenty-five.”

“That long?” Susan had lost all sense of time.

“Uh-huh.” Sarah kept stroking, and Susan closed her eyes and tried to recover some of the relaxation she’d lost.

“You want me to finish your other hand?” asked Sarah.

“Hmm?”

“I always feel unbalanced if I get just one hand, or one foot or something massaged, but not the other.”

Susan hadn’t been aware of an imbalance, but now that Sarah had mentioned it, her un-massaged arm and hand felt leaden. Heavier than the other. “If you don’t mind. I’ll try not to burst into tears.”

Sarah laughed. “I suspect you’ve used up today’s allotment of emotional display.” She gently tugged at Susan’s arm, and Susan pulled them out from under her head and lay them alongside her body again.

“More like this week’s allotment,” she sighed.

“Hmm. Well, that may be part of the problem,” said Sarah.

Susan didn’t respond to that, but just closed her eyes and enjoyed the massage. _Perhaps if I_ ** _had_** _been moaning and groaning all along, I might not have burst into tears,_ she thought. So when Sarah dug her thumbs into Susan’s palm again, she allowed herself to let out a small whimper of pleasure.

“Ah. That’s better,” said Sarah.

Susan opened one eye and peered up at Sarah. “You’re really good at this.”

Sarah shook her head. “If you think I’m good, you should get a massage from Grace sometimes. I swear she’s got a psychic ability or something that allows her to know just exactly where to press, and how hard.”

“Mmm.” Susan closed her eye. “I might like that.”

“Well…let’s see what we can arrange.”

Susan shivered at the thought but didn’t respond.

 

* * *

 

Afterward, as Susan was folding the sheet and Sarah was rolling up the sleeping pad, she looked up at Susan and said, “I’ve been trying to figure out how to raise this, and the only thing I can think of is to just say it.”

“Oh? What’s that?” asked Susan, suddenly nervous.

“Grace wanted to know—well, we all do, but she’s the one who first brought it up—if Little Suze would like to, uh, join us again. Sometime. For a bit of voyeuristic sexy fun times.”

“ _Oh!”_ Susan hadn’t been expecting that. After a moment, she began to laugh quietly. “I had been wondering how to bring that up myself.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, really. I’d, uh, talked about it a few times with Dr. Tannen. He keeps encouraging me to ask you all about it, and I keep chickening out.”

“Well, I’m glad I’m not the only chicken.”

“ _You’re_ not chicken. You’re the one who just asked.”

“Yeah, a couple of weeks _after_ Grace first asked me to do so. I almost asked you while we were at the beach, but I convinced myself it was too public a place to raise the subject.”

“Why wouldn’t Grace just ask me herself, in that case?”

“That would have been the next step, if I couldn’t bring myself to ask you today, but she and Tedd both felt that this offer might best come from me.”

“Eh. Yeah, probably,” Susan conceded.

“So…If you wanted to ask, too, is that a yes?”

Susan took a deep breath, then nodded. “Yes. Thanks. I’d love it, as long as I’m not in the way or anything.”

“We wouldn’t have asked if we didn’t want you there.”

“Thanks.”

“We’ve still got your work schedule, so…same as last time? We’ll give you a call when something, ah, comes up?”

Susan rolled her eyes. “Too easy. Sure, give me a call. I’d really like that.”

“Wonderful.” Susan was flattered at how pleased Sarah looked at the prospect.

Susan helped Sarah carry her things out to her car, then gave her a brief hug. “Thanks for the massage. And everything.”

“My pleasure. Hopefully we’ll call you soon.”

“I look forward to it.”

 

 

 

 


	3. Next Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Rating changed to Explicit.

Susan sat on the edge of her bed and turned Little Suze over in her hands, contemplating it. It wasn’t animate at the moment, just a doll. It still boggled her mind sometimes that she could project herself into this lump of plastic and it would become flesh. Erotically responsive flesh, at that. She glanced at her alarm clock. Not quite seven yet. She was sure that if Little Suze showed up at Sarah’s house early, the triad wouldn’t mind, but she preferred to be punctual.

 _And besides, this way I get more time to fret_ , she grumbled to herself. She was nowhere near as nervous as she had been the first time she rendezvoused with the triad, but she was still on edge. Sighing, she set Little Suze down on the bedside stand, and went to check her bedroom door one more time, making sure it was locked.

Returning to her bed, she lay down and fluffed her pillow so she could leave her body alone comfortably for a couple of hours, and not come back to a stiff neck or backache. _Six fifty-eight. Close enough_ , she thought to herself, and closed her eyes.

Inhabiting Little Suze was like flexing a mental muscle that she had never used before, and didn’t use for anything else. She had initially been secretly disappointed that her spells didn’t require any chanting, or arcane occult supplies, or other “traditional” magical paraphernalia in order to cast them, but, on mature reflection, she liked the simplicity of it. A focused mental effort of will, and a magical _push_ out towards Suze, and—

Susan opened Little Suze’s eyes and looked out on the world from the bedside stand. She glanced over at her real body, resting comfortably on the bed. She launched herself into the air, and flew along the length of her body, checking it out. She’d once come back from a long fairy doll excursion to find one arm had been pinned under her, causing it to fall asleep and cramp up. She had no desire to repeat the experience.

Inspection done, she landed on the bedside stand, and gazed at a birthday candle resting there.

 _So, do I bring it, or not?_ she asked herself, for what felt like the hundredth time. She sighed, and picked it up. _Oh, what the heck. They get to have toys, I should too._

She launched herself into the air, and hovered in place. She closed her eyes, and pictured Sarah’s bedroom in her mind’s eye. _I’m here now. Now let me be_ ** _there_** _._

With the typical little _pop_ of displaced air, Little Suze vanished from Susan’s room, only to reappear in Sarah’s room. Opening her eyes, she found the room much as she’d imagined it, although she hadn’t pictured the three partially naked people on the bed. Grace was male again, but this time, Tedd was female. She was rather buxom, with breasts that were improbably firm for their large size. Susan suppressed a little gulp as she noticed that Tedd’s erect nipples were bigger than Little Suze’s fists.

“Hey, Susan,” said Grace, who, not surprisingly, was the first to notice her arrival. Tedd and Sarah looked where Grace was looking, and smiled welcomingly.

Then Tedd’s smile faltered, and she looked puzzled. “Ah, Susan, is that a birthday candle you’re carrying?”

Susan sighed, and fluttered down to Sarah’s desk to set the candle in question down. “Yes.”

All three members of the triad were quiet a moment, looking at her with varying degrees of puzzlement and expectation. She grimaced, struggling to not blush. “It’s… a toy.”

“A toy?” asked Tedd blankly, but Sarah laughed and nodded understanding. Grace also grinned.

“Yeah, I’ve used a candlestick for that in the past myself,” said Sarah.

“Me too, that’s where I got the idea,” admitted Susan. “Just… scaled down, to my current size.”

Understanding blossomed on Tedd’s pretty face. “Ohhh, it’s a _dildo_.”

Susan rolled her eyes. “ _Yes_ , Tedd, it’s a dildo.”

Grace stood up and stepped over to the desk. He started to reach towards the candle, then paused. “May I?” he asked politely.

“Uh…” Despite her best efforts, she felt her face reddening. She nodded. “Sure. Why not. You’re going to see me using it, anyway. Assuming I work up the nerve.”

Grace picked up the candle and held it close to his face in order to examine it. “Huh! Nice work,” he said. Susan couldn’t help but notice his nostrils flare, and she wondered just how acute Grace’s sense of smell actually was.

“What’s nice work?” asked Sarah. Susan buried her face in her hands.

“She’s shaped it, carved it into a nice little penis.”

“Ooh, can I see?” asked Tedd.

Susan dropped her hands and sighed. “The end was too square and blunt for comfort as it was, so I had to whittle it down a bit.” She shrugged. “And, well, as long as I was shaping it anyway…”

Sarah took the miniature sex toy carefully in hand, and she and Tedd both peered closely at it. “Nice. I didn’t know you sculpted,” said Sarah.

Susan snorted. “Only on special occasions.”

“Given the level of detail here, I assume you did the carving while you were in Little Suze?” asked Sarah.

“Yeah. I broke off the tip of a razor knife, then attached a bit of masking tape to one end to form a handle.”

“How’d you polish it so smooth?” asked Tedd.

Susan gave her a tight, somewhat exasperated smile. “Repeated use.”

“Oh! Uh, yeah. Of course.” Tedd set the small wax sex-toy back down on the desk.

“I like that you left the sparkly spiral pattern on the external part. It’s pretty,” said Grace.

“And it gives a better grip. I can hold onto it with my tail, sometimes.”

“Only sometimes?” asked Tedd curiously.

“Well, other times, I’m too… _distracted_.”

The others laughed as they sat back down on Sarah’s bed. Susan looked at them dubiously. “Are the three of you really going to be able to, ah, _maneuver,_ on a twin bed?”

The three looked at the bed, and then at each other.

“She’s got a point,” Sarah said. “The only other time we’ve made love here, it was just me and Grace. Not quite as crowded.”

“And besides, I wasn’t in bed with you half the time, anyway,” added Grace.

“Why not?” asked Susan.

“Oh, we were playing around with—” began Grace.

Sarah quickly cut him off. “ _That_ may be a story for…some other time.” Grace looked startled to be cut off, then he…smirked. It was the only word for it. It was an odd expression to see on Grace’s sweet face. And Sarah looked embarrassed. Given what all Susan had already witnessed the three of them doing, she wondered what on Earth the story there was. What could Sarah possibly find embarrassing at this point? She put the question aside, resolving to ask Sarah about it sometime later.

“All right. But the question remains, can you all fit?”

There was a slight pause, then Tedd said, emphatically, “No.” She stood up, and the others followed suit. Sarah pulled the comforter and blankets off her bed and spread them out on the floor, and Grace and Tedd pulled the pillows off too. Their few remaining pieces of clothing were discarded, and Susan took the opportunity to strip as well. As she folded Little Suze’s unitard, she marveled at how casually she did that, but, well, once they’d done all the things they’d done _last_ time, simple nudity really didn’t seem like such a big deal. At least while she was in fairy doll form. Lots of things were easier when she wasn’t in her own body.

Once done, the trio sprawled out on the floor, Tedd leaning against the bed with Grace and Sarah cuddled up flanking her.

Susan fluttered down from the desk, candle in hand, to land on top of a small stack of books on the floor beside the bed. Sarah shot Susan a cheery and slightly lecherous smile. “So. Shall we get this show on the road?”

Before Susan could respond, Sarah turned and gave Tedd a slow sensuous kiss. As they kissed, Sarah teased one of Tedd’s nipples, her hand looking small on Tedd’s huge breast.

The kiss was heated enough to send a flush of arousal through Susan. _Huh. I guess watching women make out can be hot, too,_ she conceded. It wasn’t anything she’d ever contemplated or fantasized about before, but seeing the two of them together was definitely… _inspirational_.

With two of the three members of the triad female this time around, there was plenty of opportunity for Susan to experience new “inspirations.” Susan had subconsciously assumed with this mix of sex ratios, Grace would be the center of attention, but actually, at least here at the start, Sarah and Grace focused most of their attention on Tedd.

Grace was lovely to look at, and fun to watch as he took obvious pleasure in pleasing Tedd, but Susan kept getting distracted by what Sarah and Tedd were doing. She knew, of course, that her old friend was bi, but this was her first exposure to that fact being put into practice, as it were. She got annoyed with herself when she realized that watching them was also making her a little uncomfortable.

_Don’t be such a hypocrite. You enjoyed watching Tedd and Grace make out when they were both male. This is no different._

Sort of.

She realized, if she were going to be totally honest with herself, that a large part of her discomfort was with how _sexy_ she found the sight of Sarah and Tedd kissing and fondling each other. She wondered, briefly, if it was because she defaulted to thinking of Tedd as male, but—with Tedd’s current figure, that idea didn’t really hold water. Tedd was _very_ emphatically female at the moment.

To a certain extent, sex was sex, and the genders involved didn’t seem to matter to her voyeuristic impulses—she just liked to watch. Even though she didn’t personally want to make love with another woman, watching the two women making love _was_ arousing.

 _Sex is complicated, it’s not a simple binary, blah blah, blah_ , she thought with a bit of annoyance. _Just relax and enjoy the show. Stop over-thinking this!_

She gave a little huff of amusement at herself, and tried to put her own admonishments into practice. Susan caressed her breast, just like Tedd was doing to Sarah. She leaned back against the book behind her and gently stroked her clit, barely making contact, teasing herself the same way Sarah was teasing Tedd. She bit her lip, and kept her eyes focused on the triad, duplicating their caresses as best she could. It was a wonderfully new sensation, touching herself not as she wished, but instead mirroring the others’ actions. It was almost like having someone else playing with her, directing the action.

As her arousal grew, she finally managed to push aside her discomforts and overly analytical thoughts and just enjoy the show. The triad seemed more mellow today, moving at a slower, more sensual pace than last time, and it was so different from Susan’s usual masturbatory habits that it almost drove her crazy. In a good way. She somehow managed to hold herself back, and keep pace with them, discovering as they went that her arousal was building to heights that she’d never experienced before on her own.

She was panting and trembling, having been hovering at the edge of orgasm for quite some time, when Grace ( _at last!_ ) slid into Sarah, and Susan duplicated the motion with her dildo. She was so wet by this point that it slid into her with almost no resistance. She had been trying to hold her climax back, to not come until one of the others did, but she’d never held herself on the edge for so long. The sensation of being filled, coupled with her other hand thrumming across her clit, pushed her quickly over the edge. She closed her eyes, the others momentarily forgotten, and arched her back as the heat washed through her. She whimpered, then moaned louder, as the strength of her release, held back for so long, finally flooded her senses, removing all thought for a time.

She opened her eyes a while later to find that she was now the center of attention. Three smiling faces focused on her.

“ _That_ looked like a good one,” said Grace.

“Your _wings_ have gone limp. I didn’t know fairy doll wings could even _go_ limp,” said Tedd, sounding impressed.

“Hmm?” Susan blinked at Tedd, trying to bring her brain back on-line. She contemplated fluttering her wings a little at him, but she was so relaxed that it didn’t seem worth the effort.

Sarah’s attention on her was more short-lived. She turned back to Grace and used her heels on the back of his thighs to pull him closer, deeper into her. “Come on, lover,” she encouraged him. “I want some of that, too.”

 _That_ , Susan realized a few minutes later, meaning orgasm. Or orgasms, plural, judging by how long Sarah moaned and cried out. Susan felt a vague flicker of renewed arousal at the sight, but, really, she was wrung out, content to just watch for a while. She enjoyed the spectacle without touching herself.

She was impressed with how the three of them coordinated and maneuvered around each other, seemingly without conscious thought. Grace made room for Tedd to suck on Sarah’s nipples, while he also slid a finger or two into Tedd. Susan suppressed a sudden urge to giggle as she thought, _Now_ ** _that’s_** _multi-tasking…_

 

* * *

 

A while (and between the three of them, maybe three or four orgasms) later, Susan’s libido finally returned. She watched with growing interest as Tedd lowered herself onto Grace’s erection, her breasts quivering enticingly. Tedd tilted her head back and gasped as she ground her weight down onto Grace, getting full penetration.

Grace gave a long, satisfied moan, and Susan shuddered in sympathetic pleasure. She got to her knees and positioned her dildo so it pointed upright beneath her, and similarly lowered herself onto her toy. She wrapped her tail around the base of the dildo to hold it in place as she raised and lowered herself in synchrony with Tedd. _Though my breasts don’t jiggle quite as much as hers_ , she thought bemusedly, observing the waves of motion rippling through Tedd’s huge breasts as she bounced up and down.

Tedd’s thighs apparently got tired at around the same time Susan’s did, because, a while later, just as Susan was contemplating a change of position, Tedd asked Grace, “Can you be on top?”

Grace smiled. “Of course.” He rolled the two of them over, somehow managing to stay inside Tedd as he ended up on top of her. He stared down into Tedd’s eyes, the warmth and love there so open and raw that Susan was momentarily discomfited, feeling like an outsider. She glanced away from their faces, distracting herself with Grace’s body, then she decided that she’d prefer to observe the action from higher up. She slid the dildo out of herself and launched herself into the air.

Sarah spluttered as the passing breeze from Suze’s wings blew her hair across her face and into her mouth. “Sorry!” Susan said, as she landed on the edge of the bed. “I was just…shifting to another point of view.”

Sarah brushed the hair out of her face and grinned. “Oh? What view are you looking for?”

“I just…thought I might like the view from above. Watching Grace’s back. And, um, buttocks.”

The others all laughed, and Grace flexed the muscles in question. “Why, thank you,” he said. He thrust into Tedd again, a bit more energetically, causing Tedd’s laugh to turn into a gasp.

“I think I want to see that, too,” said Sarah, standing up and climbing onto the bed next to Susan. Susan yelped and tipped sideways as the bed shifted under Sarah’s weight. “Sorry!” Sarah said. She scooped Little Suze up in her hands before she could slide off the bed entirely, startling Susan into another yelp.

“Sorry,” Sarah reiterated. “Didn’t want to knock you off the bed.”

Susan stared up at Sarah, utterly flustered and speechless. Yes, she’d imagined—hoped for—being held by Sarah again, but… _later_. As part of the afterglow. Not while people were actually having sex.

And certainly not while she was clutching a glistening wet dildo in her hand.

Some of what she was feeling must have shown in her expression, because Sarah said “Sorry” for a third time, and gently set her back down, near the foot of the bed. Sarah then scooted up to the head of the bed, and leaned back against the headboard to watch her lovers.

Susan fluttered her wings in an agitated shudder, and settled down to watch too. At first, her awareness of Sarah at the other end of the bed distracted her, but Grace and Tedd were sexily distracting, and soon she was again lost in voyeuristic pleasure. Without thinking about it, she slowly rubbed her waxen dildo over her clit, then slipped it back inside herself, moaning as she did so.

As she watched them making love, Susan found herself focusing mostly on Grace. She’d always found his male form attractive, a pleasing combination of male prettiness with masculine muscles, but now, watching him making love with Tedd, something else stirred inside her. The last time she’d watched the triad— _voyeured_ , as Tedd had jokingly called it—she had just enjoyed the show. Her arousal came simply from the watching itself.

But now, she found herself fantasizing a bit more. Imagining herself as an active participant, inserting herself into the scene. Or more precisely, inserting Grace into her. She licked her lips and matched her dildo’s strokes to the rhythm of Grace’s thrusts in and out of Tedd. She wondered what that would feel like, to having hot living flesh, not wax, or plastic, sliding in and out of her.

“They _are_ lovely, aren’t they,” said Sarah fondly, startling her attention away from Tedd and Grace. She had momentarily forgotten about Sarah, on the bed with her, also watching her lovers.

Susan froze for a moment, dildo still inside her, and she gave Sarah a nervous smile. “Um. Yeah,” she agreed.

But Sarah wasn’t looking at her. She continued to watch her loves, one hand pinching and twisting a nipple, her other hand between her thighs, fingers inside her vagina while her thumb rubbed across her clit.

Sarah’s attention being focused on Tedd and Grace, Susan felt free to watch Sarah for a moment. She had always been a bit… _intrigued_ by Sarah’s breasts, with their huge soft pink areolae that covered almost a third of her small breasts. The contrast to Susan’s own small areolae, about the size of quarters, was rather stark. But as Sarah tugged and pinched, the areola contracted and puckered, pulling the soft flesh into a smaller, tighter bud, stretching the skin of her breast taut around it. Susan found herself wondering what it would feel like to make Sarah’s nipples stiffen like that, to feel them changing shape and texture under her fingers, or her tongue…

She shook her head and looked away. _I’m not interested in women_ , she reminded herself.

_But that wasn’t sexual attraction, really. Just…curiosity._

She wasn’t sure if she fully believed that.

Grace gave a protracted, husky groan, dragging Susan’s attention back to him. His thrusts picked up speed, and Tedd’s higher pitched panting moans threatened to drown him out. Grace gave a guttural roar, slammed deep and hard into Tedd, and froze, obviously coming hard and deep inside his lover. Susan watched his buttocks tense, sculpted muscles standing out in lovely relief as he twitched and moaned. She glanced up at his face, once again fascinated by how similar ecstasy and pain looked on his face. She redoubled the speed of her own thrusts, her other hand a blur on her clit as she pursued her own climax, inspired by Grace and Tedd’s orgasms.

Next to her, Sarah’s breathing grew faster and increasingly ragged too. Even more than watching Grace and Tedd, the notion that she and Sarah were coming at the same time sent a wave of fresh heat through Susan’s body, pushing her to the edge. She gasped and whimpered as she came. Her thighs clamped tight around her hand as she gave one last thrust of her dildo, burying it deep inside her. All thought vanished in a glorious haze of white-hot static, her whole body trembling.

Afterwards, Susan lay with her eyes shut, gasping, for several long moments, enjoying the wash of lassitude and relaxation that came post-orgasm. She slowly opened her eyes to see Sarah looking at her, a sultry smile on her flushed face.

Susan gently pulled her hand-made dildo out of her still pulsing cunt, sucking in a sharp breath as the fading contractions suddenly squeezed the last quarter of its length out of her. She whimpered at the sudden emptiness inside her. “Oh, _god_ , that was good,” she murmured to Sarah.

Sarah chuckled. “If you think a candle feels good, wait till you feel a flesh-and-blood cock.”

Susan shivered a bit at the notion, a new flush of arousal washing through her body at the thought. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t just been imagining the very same thing, but hearing someone else say it out loud somehow made it more real. Hotter. “Someday. I hope,” she said to Sarah. Her gaze drifted back to Grace and Tedd, admiring Grace, who was collapsed against Tedd. They were exchanging slow, sweet kisses as they both came down from their own orgasms. Susan bit her lip, watching them, wondering what Tedd was feeling right then, with Grace’s hot penis slowly softening inside her, then she guiltily jerked her attention back to Sarah.

But Sarah was still smiling at her. “Yes. Someday,” she agreed amiably. She held Susan’s gaze for a moment longer, then turned and slid back off the bed, rejoining Tedd and Grace. This time Susan adjusted to the shifting bed without incident.

The three lovers rearranged pillows and settled into a pile, shifting and arranging themselves to get comfortable. Tedd pulled a sheet up over their lower bodies as they snuggled in. From their mellow cuddling it was obvious that they were sexually sated for the moment, just enjoying the contact with each other. Watching them, Susan felt a small pang of envy for their closeness, which was cut short when Sarah looked at her and extended a hand. “Would you like to join us?” she offered.

Susan blinked and stared at the proffered hand for a long moment. _I hadn’t anticipated cuddling with all of them at_ ** _once_** _,_ she thought. But Sarah was, if not separated from Tedd and Grace, at least near the top of the pile. Resting in Sarah’s hands wouldn’t necessarily entail contact with Tedd and Grace.

 _And would it really be so awful if it did? Grace is so sexy, and even Tedd…_ she cut herself off, blushing a bit. She had been fighting down curiosity all evening, wondering what Tedd’s lovely large breasts would feel like. To be nestled in that generous cleavage. _So soft…_

She mentally shook her head, shutting down the slightly lewd image, and flew to Sarah’s hand. “Sure. Thanks,” she said to Sarah.

Sarah pulled her to her own chest, but Sarah’s breasts were small enough that Susan felt like she was just resting on her sternum. Mostly. Sort of.

Sarah leaned back against Grace’s chest, and as her orientation shifted, Susan ended up likewise reclining on Sarah, her head nestled near the hollow of her neck. With Sarah reclining, her supporting hand just kept Susan from sliding off her body more than actually holding her. Sarah’s clavicles were hard under Susan’s shoulders, but moving down to a softer spot would entail, well, moving down to a softer spot.

“Is this okay for you?” Sarah asked.

Susan wriggled, trying to find a way to get comfortable without actually moving onto Sarah’s breasts. “Sure,” she lied.

“You’re kinda digging into my collar bone there. Can I move you down a little?”

Susan hesitated a moment. _Well, as long as it’s her idea_ … “Sure,” she said again. Sarah shifted her down between her breasts.

Susan curled up on her side on Sarah’s chest, trying to relax in the lower, softer position. _If her areolae weren’t so dang big, I wouldn’t feel like I was just inches away from an erogenous zone_ , she realized as she stared at the soft pink flesh, just within arms’ reach. _Gah, and I’m sure my wings must be brushing her nipple behind me._ She resisted the urge to peer back over her shoulder and check. Her wings didn’t have much of a sense of touch, so she could only tell that they were touching _something_.

She rolled over onto her stomach, and folded her wings down behind her. She rested her head on her crossed arms and closed her eyes, ignoring all that bright pink distraction, trying to relax into the moment. After a few moments, she felt her shoulders relax, and she sighed contentedly.

“Better?” asked Sarah.

“Mm-hmm,” Susan replied. “Thanks.”

“My pleasure.”

There followed a few minutes of restful silence, and Susan tried to ignore the sounds of kisses being exchanged by the other three.

Susan felt a warm gust of breath across her back, and opened her eyes to look up and see Tedd leaning in close, peering at her. “Yes?” she asked, feeling a little flustered to be so examined.

Tedd pulled back. “Sorry, I was just looking at your wings. How they join your body, and such. I’ve always wondered how they work.” She gave Susan a lopsided smile. “You’re the only fairy doll I’ve ever seen naked.”

Susan put her head back down and shrugged. She fluttered her wings demonstratively. “I’m pretty sure they work magically. Fairy dolls don’t have anywhere near the extra musculature that would be needed to operate these wings, in a real living creature. My shoulders would be twice as thick in that case.”

“Yeah, I was kinda coming to that conclusion. And they’re too small to actually hold you up in flight. There must be some levitation involved, too. Maybe the wings are just for guidance, or balance.”

“Huh. Maybe.” Susan contemplated trying to fly without moving her wings, but she was too comfortable where she was to make the effort. “Maybe we can do some experiments sometime. Later. You know, not in the middle of the after-glow?”

Sarah and Grace laughed, and Tedd grinned. “Sorry. Fair point.”

“For Tedd, doing science _is_ an afterglow activity,” teased Sarah.

“Hey, it’s not my fault that orgasms stimulate creativity.”

“They do?” Susan asked dubiously. “I must admit, I’ve never noticed that effect.”

Tedd shrugged. “Well, mostly when I’m female. When I’m male, it just makes me want to take a nap.”

Grace chuckled at that.

“Me, too,” Susan said, surprised at how mellow she felt. She closed her eyes again and relaxed against Sarah’s chest, enjoying the warmth and skin contact. She rose and fell with Sarah’s breath. She could not only hear Sarah’s heartbeat, but she could also feel it, a rhythmic shuddering under her whole body. “I wonder if this is what it feels like to lay on top of one’s lover?” she mused quietly.

Grace, of course, heard her. “Not exactly. A lover has arms, legs, a head to work around. You just have an enormous expanse of flesh to relax into, like a giant living waterbed.”

“Hrmph. Now I’m jealous of Susan,” said Tedd. “That sounds _wonderful._ ”

Sarah chuckled, gently bouncing Susan. “Speaking as the waterbed, it’s nice from this side, too. Though I must admit it’s mostly the _idea_ of cuddling you that appeals. I don’t really feel too much, you’re so light.”

“If you want to feel me, I could jump up and down on you,” offered Susan with a smile.

“Heh. That would be a very different way to get a massage,” said Sarah. “Lots of point pressure.”

“Fairy doll acupressure,” suggested Tedd.

“Speaking of massage,” Grace said, “Sarah said you were interested in getting a back rub from me?”

“Uhhh…” Susan lifted her head and looked up at Sarah’s face. She had a distressingly clear view up Sarah’s nose from this angle, so she looked away, back at Grace. “I’m not sure I ever actually _said_ that—”

“I was reading between the lines,” said Sarah.

“—But, yeah, that sounds nice. If you have the time. And don’t mind. She spoke glowingly of your abilities.”

Grace looked pleased by that remark. “I’d be honored to give you a massage sometime.”

“Honored?” asked Tedd curiously.

“She doesn’t let just anyone touch her,” said Grace. “That implies a certain level of trust. So, yeah. Honored.”

Susan blushed, even though what Grace said was true. “Thanks.”

“Maybe next Monday, after lunch? You still have Mondays off?”

“Yes.”

“Great. It’s a date.”

“Thanks.” Susan lay her head back down, and tried to suppress a sudden surge of apprehension. She’d survived— _enjoyed_ —a massage from Sarah. She hoped she could also make it through a massage with Grace without embarrassing herself.

 _I’m sure it’ll be fine_ , she reassured herself. _Just as long as I don’t start crying again…_

She sighed, and relaxed a little more, letting herself sink into the warmth and comfort of Sarah’s flesh. _It’ll be fine…_

 


	4. Trust

Monday afternoon, at almost twelve thirty sharp, Susan answered the door, and was surprised to find both of Sarah’s lovers standing on the doorstep with her.

“Hi, Sarah,” said Susan as she let them in. “Grace. Tedd. How you doing?”

“Hey, Susan. We needed Tedd to give us a ride over,” said Sarah, apparently anticipating Susan’s unasked question. “I couldn’t borrow my Mom’s car today, and Grace still hasn’t finished Driver’s Ed.”

“Oh, right. How’s that going?” she asked Grace. Sarah and Tedd both laughed.

Grace grimaced. “Well, I’ve discovered that enhanced reflexes aren’t necessarily a help, if all it means is you hit the wrong pedal faster.”

Susan winced. “Yikes. Any damage?”

Grace shook her head. “Nothing physical, just my bruised ego.”

Susan laughed. “You’re the last person I would expect to have their ego tied up in their driving abilities.”

Grace shrugged, and smiled bashfully. “This may sound silly, but—I felt like all those hours of playing Mario Kart should have been good for _something_ when it comes to real-world driving.”

“At least there’s a distinct lack of banana peels and Koopa shells on the road in the real world,” said Tedd.

“Though an occasional power-up might be nice,” said Sarah with a grin.

“And the videos of accidents that they show in class— _ugh._ ” Grace shuddered.

“Oh, yeah, some of those were pretty graphic,” said Susan, as one image in particular bubbled up from the back of her brain. She promptly quashed it, suppressing her own shudder as she did. Grace was so empathetic, those videos probably hit her even harder, Susan reflected.

“So, I get all three of you for my massage, huh?” said Susan drily, as they headed upstairs.

“Uh, yeah. I can wait in the family room, or outside, if you’d rather,” offered Tedd.

Susan glanced back over her shoulder at him. He was looking a little embarrassed, but also—she hesitated a moment. A little wistful?

Susan shook her head. “No, that’s fine. Turn about is fair play.”

“Huh?”

“You let me watch you, so it only seems fair that you get to watch me.”

Grace protested, “That’s _not_ really the way this works. It should be whatever makes you most comfortable.”

Susan shrugged as they entered her room. “Well, either way. All are welcome, et cetera.”

Tedd smiled at her, still looking bashful, but also pleased, making Susan glad of her decision. Then his gaze was drawn to a thick book sitting at the top of the stack of books on her bedside table.

“Ooh, you’ve got _Words of Radiance_? Have you read it yet?” He picked up the book and started looking at the dust jacket.

“No, it’s on my to-be-read pile.” She hesitated a moment, then offered, “I probably won’t get to it for a couple of weeks. You can borrow it, if you like.”

Tedd’s face lit up. “Really? That’d be great. The waiting list at the library is, like, three weeks long.” He plopped down at the head of her bed and opened the book, quickly lost to the other three in the room.

Sarah smiled fondly at Tedd, then knelt and began to set up the mattress pad and sheet on the floor. Grace stepped into the bathroom to wash her hands. When she returned, she knelt next to Sarah and pulled some oil bottles out of her bag.

“So,” said Grace cheerily. “How do you want to do this? Clothed, or topless, or naked?”

Susan hesitated, thinking about it. Even though she’d already _been_ thinking about it for days now. She knew, intellectually, that they had all seen her nude—both in fairy doll form, and also when Tedd was wearing her clone form. Hell, Grace had kissed and fondled and _gone down_ on Tedd while Tedd was wearing her form. Grace probably knew Susan’s sexual anatomy more intimately than she herself did. It was disconcerting to contemplate, that Grace knew what her tongue and lips felt like, what her sex tasted like, even though she’d never actually been kissed. _Sweet eighteen and never been kissed_ , she thought, then shook her head and pushed the thought aside.

But knowing that they knew what she looked like didn’t alter the fact that she, in her actual body, had never been naked in front of Tedd or Grace. Only in fairy doll form. She felt conflicted, torn between embarrassment, and annoyance at that same embarrassment.

“Do what makes you most comfortable,” Grace said. “I can work through your tank top, or slip my hands under it if you don’t feel like undressing.”

Susan looked at Sarah, who was sitting on the edge of Susan’s bed next to Tedd. Sarah gave her a sympathetic smile. They had discussed this choice, but Sarah had not given her any direction. “It’s totally up to you,” she had said repeatedly. “Whatever feels best.”

Tedd looked up from the book. “I can go downstairs, if you’d rather,” he offered again. “Or go read on the back deck. It’s a nice day.”

Susan sighed, and shook her head. “Hells bells, Tedd, you’ve _been_ me. Having you see me naked isn’t— _shouldn’t be_ —a big deal.”

Tedd snorted. “And do you remember what I said ‘bout you being human, not Vulcan?”

“And thus occasionally irrational, yes, I know,” Susan smiled. She ran down the list in her mind again. _Sarah’s seen me naked countless times. Tedd has_ ** _been_** _me. Grace has eaten ‘me’ out, for goodness’ sake! And they’ve_ ** _all_** _seen me as Little Suze orgasming so hard that I almost passed out._

It was that last thought that solidified her decision. _I can’t get any more vulnerable or exposed than_ ** _that_** _._ Without saying anything, she peeled off her tank-top, ignoring the quiet startled sound that Tedd made as she did so. She’d deliberately worn a tank with a built-in shelf bra, so she didn’t have to fumble around with taking off a bra, too. She turned away from the trio, folded the top and set it on her dresser. She hooked her thumbs under the elastic of her panties and pushed her shorts and underwear down together. She didn’t look at anyone as she folded her underwear inside the shorts and set them on top of the tank. She paused a barest split second, glancing at her naked self in the mirror above the dresser, but, in the interest of maintaining her momentum, she turned around and faced the triad again. She crossed her arms under her breasts. She forced herself to not cross them higher, covering her breasts.

Her decision having been made, she was annoyed at herself that she could feel her heart hammering in her chest, and she was sure her face was bright red. She licked her lips, and said, in a voice that was only slightly shaky, “So. What next?”

Grace, to Susan’s relief, just smiled at her, apparently totally oblivious to her nudity. She patted the pad next to her. “Just lie down, and let me do all the work.”

Susan chuckled, relaxing. “Sarah said almost exactly the same thing,” she said, as she lay down.

“I think I was quoting her,” said Sarah.

Illogical or not, it was a bit of a relief to lay on her front, her breasts and groin hidden from view. She shifted Mister Snuffles under her face to a comfortable position. Sarah draped a second sheet over her lower body, further decreasing her self-consciousness. “What’s that for?” she asked.

“Just to keep the parts of your body I’m not working on at the moment warm,” said Grace.

“Ah.”

“Oh, and—question,” Grace said.

“What’s that?”

“Do you mind if I shift to my male form?”

Susan craned her head to look up at Grace. “Uh…why?”

“My hands are bigger, and stronger in that form. It’s better for doing massage.”

Susan blinked, confused. “Can’t you…” _make just your hands larger and stronger_ , she almost asked, then she thought about Grace’s male form. Which was, admittedly, quite pleasant to look at. “Sure. No problem.”

Grace peeled off her t-shirt, took off her bra, then she pulled the shirt back on. Susan froze momentarily; she was mostly used to Grace’s lack of modesty, but it still caught her off-guard occasionally.

Grace smiled at Susan. “I hate to stretch my bras out of shape by shifting in them. That’s an expensive mistake.”

“Uh. Right.” Susan watched with her usual fascination as Grace’s form shifted to male. He really was quite pretty, Susan reflected, admiring his long flowing hair, and the way his chest broadened, his pecs filling out his t-shirt. She bit her lip as she recalled seeing him last week, making love with Sarah and Tedd. Then she pushed the thought aside and put her head back down.

“I brought a few different oils with me. Do you have a preference as to which one I use?” Grace asked. His voice was only a bit lower pitched than usual, more androgynous than purely male sounding. It still had the same gentle cadences of Grace’s usual speech pattern.

Susan shook her head. She had barely been able to smell the sandalwood scent that Sarah had used the last time. “Whatever you like.”

“Okay. How about…sweetgrass today.”

“Sure. Sounds nice.”

Grace pulled out the selected oil, and put the rest back into the backpack. “You don’t mind if I sit on you, do you?” asked Grace.

Susan chuckled. “Nope. That’s fine.”

Grace settled into position, then lifted the mass of her hair off her back and laid it gently to the side. “You have such lovely hair,” he commented as he did. He brushed his hands through her hair near her neck, getting the last few strands out of the way. The feel of his fingertips against her neck sent a shiver through Susan’s body, and she was glad she was face-down at the moment as she felt her nipples harden in response.

“Um. Thanks,” she said.

She heard the soft _glug_ of oil being poured, and a moment later, Grace’s hands started rubbing the oil up and down the length of her back, and onto her shoulders and arms.

Sarah had been right. Even though this was only the second massage she’d ever received in her life, she could tell that Grace was better at it. Like Sarah had said, his hands seemed to magically know just where Susan’s tight spots were, where to apply more or less pressure to achieve maximum effect. Susan at first restrained herself again from moaning aloud at the sensations, until she relaxed enough to let go of her self-consciousness. She’d heard other people groan and vocalize while getting a back rub. It was normal. And it was good feedback for Grace, to let him know what was most effective.

 _And if I let the tension out gradually, maybe it won’t come flooding out all at once at the end_ , she thought. She was still embarrassed about crying while Sarah was massaging her, despite Sarah’s reassurances that it was a not unheard of reaction.

For a while, Susan managed to let all rational thought slip away, simply wallowing in the sensual pleasure of Grace’s hands on her body. She felt a moment’s apprehension when Grace started working on her hands, but no tears were forthcoming this time. She felt somehow enveloped when his large hands engulfed and squeezed hers, something that Sarah, with her smaller hands, hadn’t been able to do.

Grace worked her way back up her arms, and then down her back.

“Are you okay with me massaging your butt?” asked Grace, breaking the long silence.

“Ah…” She hadn’t anticipated that question.

“The glutes are one of the largest muscles in the body,” said Sarah. “It really _does_ feel good, even in a non-sexual way.”

“Mmm.” Susan considered that notion for a moment, then sighed contentedly. “At this point? Do what you want. I won’t question the master at his trade.”

The others laughed at that. Susan cracked one eye open, to see Sarah sitting on her bed, partially draped across Tedd. She had a sketchbook in one hand, but it was closed. Tedd seemed to be likewise ignoring the novel in his hands. _Whatever_ , Susan shrugged to herself, and closed her eye.

The feeling of the sheet being dragged up her body, covering her arms and torso while exposing her backside and legs, was a kind of stroke in its own right, gentle and soft, raising goose-bumps on her skin. _I wonder what Grace’s fur would feel like, dragged across my body?_

Grace’s hands on her buttocks _were_ relaxing; Sarah was right about that. Susan tried to stay relaxed, but she _really_ wished Sarah hadn’t mentioned sex. Thus far she’d been wallowing in the sensual pleasure of the massage, without thinking about sex.

Her default mental image of Grace was female; that was the sex and gender she wore most often. With her eyes closed, she could forget that Grace wasn’t a woman at the moment. But Sarah having mentioned sex, Susan was reminded of the fact that Grace was currently male.

Quite deliciously male, and she again recalled for a moment the sight of his penis slowly entering Tedd. 

It didn’t help that male Grace had been figuring prominently in her masturbatory fantasies over the course of the past week. Susan rarely fantasized about real people when masturbating. When she bothered to imagine interacting with another person at all, as opposed to simply watching, her fantasies focused more on anonymous or fictional partners. Although most often, she didn’t imagine another person with her at all, but just focused purely on the physical sensations.

But last week, while watching Grace make love with Sarah and Tedd, a new curiosity had stirred in her. She’d begun wondering about what it might be like to have sex with Grace. To feel that lovely hard penis inside of _her_ , to experience what Sarah and Tedd felt. Wondering just exactly how a flesh-and-blood penis would feel different from her waxen candle dildo.

She shoved the sexual imagery out of her mind, trying to relax. _It’s just a massage_ , she scolded herself. _Don’t think about that other…stuff._

Grace certainly wasn’t being overtly sexual; his technique was the same as it had been for the rest of her body, just as “professional” and not intruding on her more private personal spaces. His hands steered clear of any overtly erogenous zones. But now that Susan had begun thinking about sex, the sensation of his hands on her body seemed to penetrate deeper into her pelvis. Maybe it was the increased pressure pushing her groin into the pad. Or just the erotic sensuality of having her ass massaged in general. But she was appalled to realize that she was becoming aroused.

No, not _becoming_ aroused. She already was low-key aroused, and had been for quite some time, though she had been avoiding thinking of it directly in those terms. _So_ ** _don’t_** _think about it in those terms,_ she thought. _Just relax and enjoy it for itself._

 _Right. Don’t think about pink elephants_.

She was torn between wanting to call for a break, and embarrassment at the thought of having to explain _why_ she wanted to take a break. _Just say you’ve hit your touching limit. They’ll believe that._

But she _hadn’t_ hit her limit. She was rather amazed at that. And that very fact made her loathe to call for a break.

As she debated with herself, Grace’s hands moved down to her legs, oiling and stroking her thighs and calves. He politely kept his hands away from the upper couple of inches of Susan’s inner thighs, much to Susan’s relief.

_Just relax and enjoy it. It doesn’t have to be sexual._

As Grace moved down one leg, the heat of Susan’s arousal cooled a bit, much to her relief, and she was able to relax more. Grace dug into her calves, making her whimper more. After several minutes spent on her legs, Grace poured some more oil onto his hands and moved onto one of Susan’s feet.

“Oh…my… _god_ ,” Susan groaned, as Grace’s thumbs dug into the arch of her foot. “Oh, jeez, and I thought having my _hands_ rubbed felt good.”

Grace chuckled. “Here’s the best reason to do massage in a male form. Bigger, stronger hands are key to a good foot massage.”

“ _Ahhh_ …” Susan moaned, reveling in the sensation. She was amazed at the way the sense of relaxation seemed to flow up her legs and throughout her whole body. “My whole _body_ is tingling,” she mumbled into Mister Snuffles. She heard Sarah chuckle in response.

Grace spent a good five minutes or more on each foot, and Susan couldn’t believe how good it all felt. It was the longest he’d spent on any single body part, but it surely was worth it. He finished by folding her leg back, gently pushing her heel into her buttock, stretching out her leg muscles for just that little bit more relaxation.

There was a brief pause in Grace’s strokes, and she felt the sheet being dragged off her upper body. She opened one eye and made a small “ _Mmmm?”_ noise of inquiry.

“I like to finish with some full-body strokes,” explained Grace. “Feet to shoulders, and back again.”

“Okay.” Susan closed her eye. She was disappointed at the implied ending to the massage, but also, a bit relieved. The low-level arousal she’d been harboring was distracting. The thought that she could shortly stop worrying about it allowed her to relax just a bit more.

Grace’s hands returned to her feet, and slid back up her legs, and across her buttocks. It felt as if he was pushing heat from her extremities towards the core of her body. She sucked in a deep breath at the sensation. Grace’s strong fingers compressed her thighs and glutes, and even though he wasn’t in direct contact with her genitals, the tension and pull of the skin and muscles around her groin generated more sexual sensations.

As his hands moved up to her back to her shoulders and squeezed, her whole body relaxed just a tiny bit more in response. She gave whimper of delight. But that relaxation allowed the sexual heat she was feeling to flow through her body even more. Susan struggled to keep her breathing slow and regular, even as she felt herself growing more aroused. As his hands began their slide back down her back, all she could think was, _Don’t think about pink elephants—_

Without warning, Grace’s firm, gentle pushing on her hips sent her over the edge. _Oh, shit, I’m gonna—_ Susan somehow managed to keep her breathing steady, but she breathed in deeply as an orgasm washed through her body, setting her skin alight.

She was rarely very noisy while climaxing, but this time she set a new personal best for silence and stillness in the moment of peak passion. She fought to keep her muscles relaxed, to not give her away. Somehow that struggle to stay relaxed, to not show any external signs of what was happening, just pushed her arousal higher. The contrast between the tension of climax and her self-enforced relaxation just intensified the sensations. The orgasm made her feel like she was flushing bright red, from head to toe, a whole-body rush of heat that she’d rarely felt. She let out a small whimper, but it was far quieter than she’d been while Grace was rubbing her feet. _I’m sure he won’t notice_ , she thought muzzily.

Grace’s hands hesitated for the briefest of moments on her hips, then continued moving, sliding the rest of the way down her legs, then back up. A full-body stroke from feet to shoulders that just inflamed her all the more. Susan decided that she could get away with a little more noise, since she’d already been moaning appreciatively throughout the massage, and she released a long, slow exhale that was just barely a moan, orgasmic tension ebbing out of her with the breath. Her climax had been brief, but intense.

Grace chuckled at the sound. “Feeling good?”

Susan’s brain was still a bit scrambled, but she managed to mumble, “You have _no_ idea.”

Grace chuckled again, but this time it was a deeper, knowing sound, and Susan wondered if, perhaps, he _did_ have an idea. _What had Sarah said about Grace’s enhanced senses?_ But that worry was quickly supplanted by the thought, _Holy shit, that’s the first time someone else has made me come!_

She hadn’t thought it possible to be in a more relaxed state than the one Grace had previously put her into, but the post-orgasmic relaxation further reduced her to feeling like a long, Susan-shaped puddle on the floor. Her momentary concern that the others would realize what had just happened to her faded, as there were no comments or reactions from them. She sighed quietly with relief.

She was so relaxed that she didn’t even flinch when Grace leaned over and gave her a soft, sensual kiss between her shoulder blades, his long hair gently brushing her back. Susan shivered, and let out a small “ _Mmm…”_ of pleasure at the soft brush of hair across her back.

Grace sat up quickly. “Oh, jeez, I’m sorry, I just always do that when I’m done giving Sarah or Tedd a massage, sorry,” Grace blurted out. “I didn’t think—I mean…” he trailed off as Susan chuckled quietly.

“ ‘Sfine. At this point,” Susan murmured into Mister Snuffles, “You could do whatever you wanted to with me.”

 _Really?_ She immediately thought to herself. _Why did I say_ ** _that_** _?_ But she realized, laying there feeling more relaxed, more sensual, more _sexual_ than she ever had in her life, that it was true. She felt her breathing deepen, and a new wave of arousal passed through her. _More?_ she thought to herself, incredulous.

She opened her eyes and glanced sideways up at Grace. He was staring back down at her, a small smile on his face. “But you don’t know what I might _want_ to do with you,” he said quietly, sounding both a little amused, and a little—hot. His voice was husky, in a lower octave, the promise of passion lurking in his tones.

Susan lifted her head and slowly propped her upper body up on her elbows, so she could look at Sarah and Tedd. Tedd was wide-eyed, watching her. Sarah was smiling at her. Neither was making any pretense at reading any more. In fact, looking at their positions, they were cuddled rather close together on her bed— _My bed!—_ and looked like they may have been necking. _While watching me?_ ** _Because_** _of me?_ Tedd’s face was flushed. And Sarah’s large nipples were rather prominently obvious through her tank top. Susan hadn’t noticed before this that she wasn’t wearing a bra.

Susan took all this in at a glance, then she turned her head to the other side to look at Grace, kneeling on the floor beside her. He was still smiling at her— _And when did Grace take off his shirt??—_ his pupils dilated as he gazed at her. Breathing more deeply than his recent low-level exertions might seem to require.

Her gaze dropped, almost involuntarily, to his lap, just at eye level. Her attention was only _slightly_ distracted by his pecs and abs along the way. He was kneeling beside her, his open hands resting loosely on his thighs, with a rather obvious bulge in his shorts between those hands, which he was making no effort to hide.

_Oh._

Susan felt her own eyes go wide, even wider than Tedd’s. She glanced up at Grace’s face, realizing now what those dilated pupils indicated. _He’s…interested. In_ ** _me_** _._ She swallowed, then looked back at Sarah and Tedd.

Sarah was exchanging a glance with Tedd, then she looked back at Susan, her smile growing wider, and they both nodded at her. No one seemed to want to speak, an unusual occurrence for a triad whose motto was “Communicate, communicate, communicate,” but the moment felt fragile. As if speaking out loud could break some spell that had been cast over the room.

 _This is going several steps beyond just voyeurism_ , Susan thought. _Do I want to do this? Am I really ready for this?_

Physically? She was most _definitely_ ready. She could feel her arousal returning, building, something she wasn’t used to in her own body. It was her fairy doll form that was multi-orgasmic, not her. _But maybe I just needed Little Suze to teach me how…_

She looked back at Grace. _Stop over-thinking this,_ she scolded herself. Hah. Impossible thought. _Thinking is what I do._ She imagined Grace touching her. Kissing her. _Inside_ her. Maybe it was the lust pushing all other objections out of the way, but somehow those thoughts didn’t disturb her. Didn’t create any feeling of unease or distaste. Quite the contrary.

Grace wasn’t just lovely to look at. She—he—was a lovely person. One of the most genuinely _nice_ people Susan knew. And although she didn’t love Grace the way Sarah did, and she had no illusions that Grace loved her that way, she _was_ quite fond of him. Perhaps more importantly, she trusted him.

_And, let’s be honest, I kinda lust for him, too…_

She rolled over and pushed herself up to a sitting position. She was suddenly aware of being fully visible, fully nude in front of them. In front of _him_. But instead of being embarrassed, the thought just added to her arousal. When she had orgasmed in front of them while in fairy doll form, she had been surprised to realize that she got an extra thrill from being watched. She felt a similar frisson now, being looked at, and admired.

For Grace was rather blatantly admiring her, his gaze traveling slowly up and down the length of her body, not hiding his interest as his smile increased. Susan’s long hair was hanging down her chest, cloaking her somewhat. She hesitated a moment, then brushed her hair back over her shoulder, fully revealing herself to Grace. She worried for a split second about the oil on her back dirtying her hair, then thought, _To heck with it, I can always take another shower…keep your priorities straight…_

Grace remained sitting still with his hands on his thighs. The tip of his tongue just briefly slipped out to wet his lips at this new sight, but other than that he remained motionless. Susan realized that she was going to have to make the first move. That Grace would not push her, would not presume to trespass on her boundaries.

Susan lifted a hand towards Grace, her hand shaking a little, and she rested it on the side of his face. “Please?” she asked quietly.

“Please what?”

Susan swallowed. “Touch me.”

Grace reached out and mirrored her touch, his hand gently resting on her face. His smile slowly melted into a look of wonder and delight.

“What?” Susan asked nervously, uncertain as to what his expression meant.

“It’s just…you’re so beautiful,” Grace said.

Susan wondered how that statement could embarrass her more than being naked in front of him did. And yet, even as it heated her face, it also warmed her heart. She smiled shyly back at him and turned her head, to rest her cheek in the palm of his hand. She could just barely smell the massage oil on his hand, the scent like warm dry grass on a hot summer day. It seemed a perfect scent for Grace.

She let her hand trail down the side of his face to his torso, her hand coming to rest on his lovely pecs. Grace slowly copied her motion, his hand coming to rest on her breast. Susan’s breathing deepened at that intimate touch. Her nipples ached, harder than she’d ever felt them.

Biting her lip, staring into Grace’s eyes, she let her thumb slide across his nipple. She was fascinated to feel his small nipple harden under her touch, and was gratified to hear him make a small _Mmmm_ of pleasure in response. Then she gasped as she felt his oil-slick thumb duplicate the move on her.

She closed her eyes involuntarily, also giving a soft moan. _God, that feels better than I ever imagined._ She could feel her heart racing under Grace’s hand. She shivered in response to his gently moving thumb. She opened her eyes and smiled back at Grace.

“Are you sure about this?” he asked quietly, concern showing in his smiling eyes. He dropped his hand back to his thigh, allowing a modicum of rational thought to return.

Susan took a deep breath and dropped her hand too. She nodded, then looked over at Sarah and Tedd, sitting on the bed and watching. “Are _you_ sure?” she countered. “ _All_ of you?” She was reasonably sure that the trio had discussed this in advance (and was she ever going to have some questions for them about _that_ , later on). There was no way Grace would make this kind of move without having permission from his lovers. Nonetheless, she needed to check, to get consent, from _all_ concerned.

Sarah nodded. “Oh, _yes_ ,” she said, with somewhat disconcerting enthusiasm. “I love you both so much.” Her smile was warm and loving. Susan felt a flutter in her stomach at Sarah’s response, and smiled shyly back.

Tedd nodded more slowly, but he was also smiling. “As long as Grace wants it, I do too.”

“Then…” She swallowed, her throat suddenly tight. _Now. Now or never. Make the choice, and live with the consequences. I’ve been dithering about this long enough. Enough with the watching. The passivity. It’s time to_ ** _act_** _._

“Yes,” she whispered.

Grace’s smiled even more broadly, and he moved to sit closer to her. He brushed the hair off the side of her face. “We can stop, or just take a break for a while, whenever you need,” he said quietly.

Susan smiled. “I know.” She ran a hand down along the side of his lovely torso, enjoying the feel of his skin and muscles under her hand. “But don’t stop _now_.”

Grace chuckled and leaned in closer. He brushed his cheek against hers, then pulled back a bit to rub the tips of their noses together. Susan giggled at the maneuver, which she had last done as a small child. Her giggle was cut short when Grace then brushed his lips lightly across hers.

 _Sweet eighteen and never been kissed_ ran through her mind again, but this time she smiled. _Until now._ She’d never felt like the few fumbling kisses she’d exchanged with Justin truly counted, since she hadn’t been in her “real” body at the time.

She shyly pressed her lips against Grace’s for a brief moment, surprised at just how pleasant a sensation it actually was. She repeated the motion, a little slower, then again a third time, lingering longer. The returning heat of arousal burned hotter.

She pulled back a few inches, and gazed into Grace’s warm green eyes. She checked her own emotions for fear, revulsion, or other phobic reactions but—there was almost nothing. Nervousness, yes, but that was for the newness of the experience, anticipation of what was to come, not fear of being touched.

 _It’s amazing what a bit of lust can overcome_ , Susan thought. She pressed her mouth to his again, lingering a longer moment, then gasped as she felt Grace’s tongue slip out between his lips. Here was the moment that she’d in some ways been _most_ afraid of, swapping saliva with another person. But the reality of it turned out to be much hotter than she had dared hope. More rewarding, and so distracting from any _ick_ factor. And the fact that, to the best of her knowledge, Grace had never been sick didn’t hurt, either.

Her breathing deepened and she whimpered as her lips grew more sensitive, feeling Grace’s tongue trace a slow path around her mouth. She parted her own lips shyly, not quite sure of what to do, but she followed his lead, and tasted his lips with the tip of her tongue. Grace sighed happily in response, encouraging further explorations.

Grace brought a hand up to her head, and gently brushed his fingers through her long hair as they kissed. His nails gently scratched at her scalp, an erotic sensation ten times more exciting that his earlier, casual touch when he’d moved her hair off her neck. She drew in a shuddering breath. His other hand slipped around her waist, pulling them closer to each other, and Susan responded by wrapping her arms around him too. She leaned in closer, hugging him tight, and buried her face in his shoulder. She could smell the faint scent of shampoo in his hair, fresh soap on his skin, evidence that he’d bathed recently, which helped her to relax even further.

“This okay?” asked Grace quietly.

Susan nodded. “Yes. A little scary, but good.”

“That’s understandable.” He lifted her chin with a hand, stroked her cheek, and stared into her eyes. “You’re in control. You set the pace. We’ll stop whenever you want to,” he reiterated.

Susan smiled at him, enjoying the warmth of his gaze. “If I didn’t know that, we wouldn’t have gotten _this_ far,” she told him. She took a deep breath. “I trust you.” It came out almost sounding like, _I love you_ , and it was as intimate a statement as she’d ever made to anyone in her life. It wasn’t just Grace that she was trusting—part of her trust of Grace came as an extension of her trust of Sarah. And, she realized, her trust of Tedd did also.

Grace seemed to hear what she was saying, and he ducked his head in acceptance of the trust she was placing in him.

“And…even though you’re letting me set the pace, I’ll need you to lead the way. This is all”—she mentally edited out the word _virgin_ —“new territory for me.”

“Well…” Grace combed his fingers through her long hair, seeming to enjoy its fine texture. “Maybe we can start by getting more comfortable?”

“How so?”

“Ah…” came Sarah’s voice from above them. Susan looked up. “You might be more comfortable up here. You know. On a bed?”

Grace chuckled. Susan’s heart rate picked up again. It wasn’t as if their intentions weren’t clear, but, somehow, moving to the bed just made it all the more explicit. More sexual, more real. She bit her lip, then nodded.

Grace stood up, and offered a hand to Susan, pulling her effortlessly to her feet. She was surprised to find, when standing, that Grace’s male form was several inches taller than she was, meaning he had chosen to be taller than his “default” male form. She didn’t know why, but that pleased her. She smiled up at him, feeling shy, standing nude before him. His eyes were fixed on her face, watching and gauging her reactions.

She couldn’t help looking down, at the tent in his shorts. He was wearing soft athletic shorts, so the loose fabric didn’t constrain his erection much.

Grace was still holding her hand, and he pulled her closer to him. His other hand stroked her long hair, down the length of her back, and she shivered, then jumped a bit at the feeling of his erection pressing into her thigh. She cautiously brought her hand around to grasp it, marveling at her own boldness. She was relieved to feel that he was normal size. Maybe even smaller than normal. Certainly nothing like the generous proportions that Sarah favored.

Grace made a small, appreciative sound at her touch, and she squeezed gently, hesitantly, feeling the hard length of him through the nylon fabric. His hips moved slightly, slipping his length through her hand, and she was suddenly filled with the desire to feel him skin-to-skin, not through cloth.

Susan heard a small happy sigh from the bed. She glanced over to see Sarah watching them, smiling and bright-eyed, her cheeks a lovely pink. Tedd was watching too, a fond smile on his face.

Susan’s mother had bought her a queen-sized bed shortly after her magic-induced growth spurt had left her feet dangling over the end of her old bed. Sarah and Tedd, both shorter than she, seemed to take up only a quarter of the bed. Of course, part of that was due to the fact that they also seemed to be trying to occupy the same physical space.

“Scoot over, guys,” said Grace. Susan suddenly realized that Sarah and Tedd weren’t going anywhere.

 _No, of course not. Why would they? They’re a triad._ Then she looked at them, cuddled together on her bed, and found that she couldn’t fully repress a certain bit of housekeeping instinct.

“Can we pull the duvet off, first?” Susan asked.

Sarah nodded understanding, but Tedd looked confused. “Uh, sure, I guess?” He stood up to comply, and Susan noted that Grace wasn’t the only male in the room sporting an erection. She unconsciously licked her lips, remembering what he looked like naked and aroused. _Bet you never knew nerdy could be so hot_ , she remembered Sarah saying, the first time she saw Tedd naked.

Sarah explained, as she helped pull the duvet off, “Duvets are a pain to clean. Sheets are easy. She’s just thinking ahead.”

“Oh! Right. Laundry.”

Susan accepted the duvet from them, then folded and draped it over her desk chair. The moment of practical domesticity in the midst of all the sensuality felt odd, but—it made her feel better.

 _One step at a time_ , she sighed to herself. Then she giggled. _Of course, I’m about to take one_ ** _heck_** _of a big step…_

“What’s so funny?” asked Grace.

Susan, smiling, turned back to the bed, to see Grace sitting naked on the edge of the bed. Her smile faded and her mind went blank. She’d certainly seen Grace naked before, male or female, even seen him aroused and erect, but this time… _this_ time, he was naked and aroused for  _her_.

Grace extended a hand to her, inviting. “Susan?”

Susan walked slowly towards Grace, suddenly short of breath. She hesitantly put her hand into Grace’s, and looked at Sarah and Tedd. They were cuddled together on the opposite corner of the bed, still dressed.

“You still okay?” asked Grace kindly.

Susan looked back at him, admiring the view. She nodded. “You’re very beautiful, too.”

Grace smiled. “Thanks.” As Susan moved to sit down beside him, Grace stretched out on the bed, and pulled her gently down to lie alongside him. Susan took a deep breath, and relaxed into his strong embrace. She wrapped her arms around him in return. She lay stretched out full-length along side him, not yet daring to lift a knee to cover his legs. And penis.

Susan peered over Grace’s chest at Sarah and Tedd. “Why are _you_ two still dressed?” she asked.

Sarah and Tedd exchanged a glance. “Ah…because this is _your_ sexual encounter, not ours?” said Sarah.

“Oh.” Susan considered that for a moment. “I appreciate that, but it’s kind of hard to miss that you’re both turned on, too. I’m not asking you to join us, I’m not interested in group sex, but…” She bit her lip, not quite sure how to say what she meant.

“But parallel play can be fun too,” supplied Grace.

“Yeah. And…well. _You_ know. I like to watch,” said Susan. The other three laughed.

“Okay,” said Sarah. Neither she nor Tedd needed any more encouragement. They stood up, and within moments they were both naked. Tedd lay back down on the bed first, his head at the foot of the bed, and Sarah swung a leg over his hips to straddle his waist. She didn’t slip Tedd into her, Susan noticed. Tedd bucked his hips and rubbed his erection along the length of Sarah’s wet slit, causing both of them to moan. “Oh, _fuck_ that’s good,” Sarah whispered. Tedd just groaned wordlessly in agreement.

Susan felt her breathing hitch as she watched them, her voyeuristic pleasure no less intense for the subjects of her observation being only two feet away. The sight of the head of Tedd’s cock slipping out from under Sarah’s bush and the folds of her labia, wet from her arousal, was erotically inspiring.

“Ahem.” Grace cleared his throat gently, and Susan tore her gaze away from Sarah and Tedd. Grace was smiling at her, and he gave her forehead a kiss. “Are you happy to just watch, or did you want to do…something more active?”

Susan fought to suppress the nervousness that his question prompted, and smiled back at him. “Active. Definitely.”

“Oh, good. I hoped so.” He bent to kiss her lips, and once again Susan was struck by how pleasant the experience was. Enjoyable, despite the fact that mouths were notorious hotbeds of germs, and—

She shuddered and clamped down on that line of thought, her teeth clenching for a moment. Grace noticed, and pulled back a ways. “Problem?” he asked, eyes searching her face.

Susan shook her head jerkily. “No. Yeah. Sorry. Just…trying to quash my neuroses.” She looked down in embarrassment for a moment, then forced herself to raise her gaze to meet Grace’s eyes. His beautiful green eyes, so warm and kind and caring. She sighed, and relaxed when she saw no censure or judgement there.

“Ah.” He stroked her hair out of her face, then he rested his hand on her cheek. “How can I help?”

Susan considered that for a moment, struggling to retrieve the pleasures of a moment ago. She closed her eyes, and focused on enjoying the warmth of his body pressed against hers, his hand on her face.

 _Good grief, I’m naked, and being held in Grace’s arms._ This was _not_ where she had anticipated this afternoon going, even in her wildest fantasies. She took a deep breath, and slowly exhaled, letting her shoulders drop. She snuggled in closer to Grace. She opened her eyes and looked at him. “Thank you. I’m sorry, it was just…” She grimaced. “It’s nothing personal, believe me, but it was a momentary awareness of how many germs are in mouths.”

“Ah.” Grace considered this for a moment. “Was it just me kissing you on the mouth that was a problem?”

“Nnn—yes. I mean, it was _lovely_ , at first…until I thought about it too much.”

“Would it be okay if I kissed you elsewhere?”

Susan pondered that a moment. She wasn’t really sure, but it seemed worthy of experiment. “Maybe?”

Grace smiled and leaned in for a kiss, but this time he kissed the corner of her jaw, then moved lower and kissed her neck over her pulse point. He paused, as if checking for her reaction, and Susan purred at the sensation. “Mmm, that’s nice.” She was surprised at just _how_ nice it was. She’d never realized her neck was so erotically sensitive.

“Good.” Grace gently nipped at her neck, and Susan gasped as her neck flushed with heat.

“Oh, my _god_.” His tongue came out and began to trace a slow line along her neck, down toward the hollow between her collar bones, and Susan grasped his head and pulled him tighter to her. “Oh, yes, Grace, _yes_ ,” she panted, her fears fading in the wash of lust that was spreading through her body from his tongue.

Grace gently rolled Susan onto her back, then worked his way up the other side of her neck, lingering at the points where she moaned and responded most fervently. Susan was only vaguely aware of his hand on her breast, gently squeezing, so intense was the sensation of his mouth on her neck. It was electrifying, in ways that she never had imagined possible, nearly orgasmic in its intensity. She whimpered wordlessly, pleasantly overwhelmed.

After several wonderful long minutes of this sensual overload, Grace moved down her body, to suck one hard nipple into his mouth. If having her neck kissed was a wash of erotic heat rolling through her body, the sensation of his mouth and teeth on her nipple was more like a jolt of electricity rushing directly from her chest to her groin. Susan cried out and arched her back, clutching at Grace’s head, her fingers buried in his hair.

“Ah, yes yes yes yes _yes_ ,” she whimpered, as she struggled to find a way to tell Grace just how wonderful he was. He slowly licked her nipple, then lifted his head to look at her, smiling.

“Is that good?” he asked, a tad impishly.

Susan gaped at him, mouth open and eyes half-closed in lust, as she tried to regain her full powers of speech. “ _You_ ,” she gasped, “You—are _more_ than good. My god. Why do you ever get out of bed?”

Grace, Sarah, and Tedd all laughed, and Susan, reminded of their presence, looked over at Sarah and Tedd. Sarah’s head was resting on Tedd’s belly, his erect penis glistening wetly just below her face. _Hmph. Missed_ ** _that_** _show_ , she thought. Then she recalled _why_ she’d missed it, and smiled. _But it was worth it._

“Well, we need to eat and drink sometimes,” said Tedd, then he sucked in a sharp breath as Sarah flicked her tongue against the head of his penis. “But…maybe not just yet.” Susan watched with voyeuristic pleasure as Sarah slowly licked the length of his erection several times, causing it to stiffen more and stand up just a little straighter away from his body.

Grace wrenched her attention back to him by taking her nipple into his mouth again, and Susan twitched at the sudden renewal of erotic stimulation. She turned back to Grace, her hands still buried in his hair, then she pulled his face away from her breasts. “Would you kiss me?” she asked shyly.

Grace smiled, and slid up to meet her lips. “My pleasure.” He pressed his lips gently and briefly against hers, then pulled back, eyes questioning. Susan licked her lips, then nodded to him. He leaned back in, and this time Susan returned the kiss.

She was hesitant at first, but then the feeling of Grace gently pinching her nipple sent a new wave of arousal through her, making it easier to get lost in the pleasures of the kiss. Her lips parted in a quiet moan, and Grace traced a gentle circle around the edge of her mouth with the tip of his tongue. This time the heat was enough to drive back the fear, and she dug her nails into his scalp, pulling him close, luxuriating in the kiss.

After a few long moments of kissing, they pulled apart, and Susan panted breathlessly. She smiled at Grace. “You are so _wonderful._ ”

“As are you.” He gently stroked her hair out of her face, then kissed the tip of her nose, eliciting a giggle from her.

She became aware that Grace was lying partially on top of her, and his erection was pressing hard against her hip. She was startled to contemplate that his penis must have pressed against her as he moved from one side of her body to the other, but she hadn’t noticed it until now.

She let her hand stray down along one side of Grace’s torso, to his waist. She enjoyed the firm curve of his muscular buttocks under her hand. Grace made a subtle thrusting motion with his hips, rubbing his erection against her, his buttocks flexing enticingly under her hand. Susan bit her lip, then asked, “Can I…uh, touch you?”

“Of course.” Grace rolled off of her to the side, presumably to give her better access. His smile transformed into a wide-eyed expression of surprise as he continued moving, and slid right off the edge of the bed onto the floor.

“Ow!”

“Grace!” Susan rolled to peer over the side of the bed at Grace, who was looking up at her rather sheepishly. Susan felt Sarah and Tedd press into her back, as they crowded to her side of the bed to also look down on Grace.

“Are you okay, sweetie?” asked Sarah.

Grace sat up, rubbing at his hip with a rueful smile. “Yeah. I’m fine. Just…embarrassed. So much for above-average reflexes.” Susan started to giggle, relieved he wasn’t hurt, and the others joined in.

“Well, you had your mind on other things,” said Tedd sympathetically.

As Grace stood up, Sarah and Tedd retreated to what Susan was beginning to think of as “their” side of the bed. She realized with amazement that having the other two naked people pressed up against her hadn’t bothered her at all. Although admittedly, she, too, had had her attention focused on other things.

Standing, Grace’s now slightly wilted erection was at face height. Susan gulped. _I’m not ready for_ ** _that_** _just yet_ , she thought. She scooted back towards the middle of the bed to make more room for Grace. He smiled and stretched out alongside her, face up, and said, “So. You were asking…?”

Susan gave a nervous laugh, and hesitantly reached down to grasp his penis. Her hand wrapped easily around it, and she was entranced by how it grew harder in her grip, recovering the firmness he’d lost in falling out of bed. The contrast between her pale hand and Grace’s dark brown penis was its own kind of arousing, an aesthetic aspect of eroticism she had not anticipated.

She had certainly seen the other three playing with each other, and had talked with Sarah about it, even before the first time she had “voyeured” with them. So she had a _theory_ of penises in her mind. But it was fascinating to compare reality with theory. For a few minutes, curiosity overtook lust, as she explored Grace’s anatomy, enjoying the reality of it, and reveling in discovering what made him gasp or twitch. She was glad she could make _him_ feel good, too. Good sex should be a two-way street.

Susan heard a soft wet sound, and Tedd moaning, from the other side of the bed. She glanced over her shoulder to see Sarah sucking on Tedd. Sarah smiled at her around her mouth full of hard penis, and waggled her eyebrows suggestively at Susan. Susan burst into nervous giggles at the sight, in turn prompting laughter from the other three. Tedd’s erection slapped wetly against his belly as it fell from Sarah’s laughing mouth.

“Not—not yet,” Susan finally managed to say. She shot Grace an apologetic glance. “I don’t think I’m up to that just yet.”

“Of course.” Grace rolled onto his side, nudging Susan onto her back in the process, and propped himself up on one elbow, looking down at her. He ran a gentle hand along the length of her torso and said, “But I am. I would love to, in fact. If you don’t mind…?”

Susan shook her head mutely, wanting what he offered, but feeling shy about verbalizing that desire. She shuddered in renewed lust as Grace gently ran his fingers through her damp pubic hair. Grace let a finger slip through her hair, between her labia. His finger, slick with her arousal, moved up to glide gently across her clitoris, and Susan involuntarily closed her eyes and exhaled a moaning sigh of pleasure.

Grace bent to kiss her nipples, first one, then the other, before starting to work his way down her body. He moved slowly, dotting her skin with a trail of licks and kisses as he went. Susan purred quietly, a sexy sound that she was surprised to hear herself making. She imagined she could feel each individual set of lip prints as points of heat on her breasts and belly.

As Grace approached her vulva, she bit her lip and tried to suppress a sudden surge of insecurity. She knew Grace enjoyed performing oral sex on his lovers, he’d just said so. She’d watched do so him several times with Tedd and Sarah. And she felt clean, having showered just before they arrived ( _Maybe they weren't the only ones planning ahead,_ she conceded to herself). She felt she had no _rational_ reason to be nervous about Grace’s head between her legs.

 _Pfft. There’s nothing rational about_ ** _any_** _of this_ , she thought wryly.

Then Grace’s tongue on her inner thigh eliminated her capacity for rational thought. He gently nipped the delicate skin there, and she gasped. 

She was surprised when he didn’t move inward from there, but instead continued on down, kissing along her thighs. When he got to her knee, he lifted it to kiss the backside of her knee, which was more ticklish than erotic. She giggled and flinched, and Grace desisted immediately.

“Not an erogenous spot for you, huh?” he asked with a smile.

Susan fought down her giggles. “Ah. No. Sorry.”

Grace chuckled. “No problem. Just thought I’d try it, in case it was.” His gaze traveled to the juncture of her thighs, and Susan was aware her legs were spread wide. On full display, as it were. She tensed for just a moment at the notion, before relaxing with a mental shrug.

_Oh, to heck with it. He’s seen Little Suze in this position. And it’s not as if he’s not about to get even more intimate with my privates._

Grace licked his lips as he gazed at her vulva, and said quietly, “You have a _very_ pretty pussy.” His smile broadened. “Very tasty looking.” Susan blushed. Despite having watched Grace in sexual situations several times now, she still mostly thought of her/him as sweet and innocent. She found his lustful gaze a bit incongruous. But arousing.

Grace resumed kissing her thighs, and began to work his way back up from her knees. He licked the soft pulse point of her inner thigh again, then spread her labia gently apart. “Hmm, and you smell delicious,” he murmured. Susan flushed from equal parts flattered embarrassment and lust.

His tongue flicked out and gently licked just the edges of her inner lips, a touch so soft as to be almost imperceptible. But not quite. She whimpered, and Grace responded by gently sucking one of her inner labia into his mouth, running his tongue along the length. He gently pushed her legs further apart, allowing him better access, and the pressure of his thumbs on her inner thighs’ pulse points was its own unexpected thrill. Susan reflexively lifted her hips, meeting the pressure of his hands and mouth.

His tongue slid deeper into her, and she heard him moan, the vibrations just adding to the sensation. He licked her once, twice, thrice along the full length of her labia, never quite touching her clitoris when he got to the top, then he paused, and said, “Oh, yes, you _are_ delicious.” He looked up and met her gaze, his eyes smoldering with heat. Susan ran her hands through his hair, at a loss for words, but feeling wonderful. More desired and sexual than she’d ever felt in her life.

Susan realized that she could feel his erection against her lower leg, where he was rubbing himself as he went down on her. He sucked her inner labia into his mouth, and flickered his tongue across them, causing Susan to jump again. His fingers pulled her sex open, and his tongue gently traced her labia from base to top, finally caressing her clitoris with almost reverential gentleness. Susan gave a sharp cry of pleasure, for the first time unselfconscious about her vocalizations as the feelings pushed aside all such concerns.

“Oh, _yes_ ,” she heard Sarah whisper, but Susan was too lost in the moment to look over at her friend.

Susan soon lost all rational track of what, exactly, Grace was doing to her, as the flood of sensation flowed through her. She had masturbated many times in her life, had experienced a wide range of orgasms. But none of that prepared her for Grace’s fingers and tongue playing across her sex like a fine musical instrument, teasing forth her arousal. He was slow and gentle, reacting with quick intuition to her gasps and cries, building pleasure upon pleasure in a slowly mounting pressure that soon had Susan’s whole body tense as a bowstring.

With a couple of fingers gently flexing inside of her, he sucked on her clitoris, and the bowstring snapped, pushing her over the edge. Susan came with a long, low cry of passion, body thrashing to an extreme that she’d never experienced when not in fairy doll form. Grace continued stroking and sucking gently, coming to a stop as her climax passed.

Grace slowly retraced his path up her torso, kissing her belly and breasts softly in passing. He snuggled into her, slipping an arm under her neck, and pulled her head onto his chest. He waited patiently as Susan’s breathing returned to normal, gently running a hand through her hair. When Susan finally opened her eyes, he smiled at her. “You’re very beautiful when you come.”

“Um. Thanks?”

“May I kiss you?”

Susan hesitated, looking at him. His lips and cheeks were wet with her sexual secretions. The notion of kissing that felt odd, and yet—

 _Oh, to heck with it. It’s not as if I haven’t tasted myself before…_ She leaned in and kissed him on the lips, hesitantly at first, then again more assertively. She was surprised to find she liked the taste of her sex on his mouth, and she gently licked one of his cheeks between kisses. _Hm. Not bad at all._

Susan let one of her hands run up and down the length of his chest, finally coming to rest at his crotch. She hesitated, but refrained from asking permission this time before taking his penis in hand. He’d already made it clear he would tell her if he didn’t like something she did.The small sound of pleasure he made at her touch confirmed her choice.

Susan ran her hand up and down the length of Grace’s penis, enjoying the new sensation. “Ah, about your…dimensions. You’re, well, kinda small right now, right?”

Grace smiled. “Yeah, that’s a bit below average in size. It seemed like that would be easiest for you, for your first time.”

“You need to gradually work your way up to the sizes I prefer,” said Sarah jokingly. At least, Susan _assumed_ she was joking.

Tedd snorted. “Or not. _Most_ of us are perfectly happy with average sized cocks.”

“I can adjust to fit, as we go along,” said Grace. “Just let me know what feels good.”

“Okay.” Susan hesitated, feeling oddly bashful, then admitted, “Actually, I’ve…masturbated with things larger than you are right now. For what it’s worth.”

Grace chuckled. “All right. Let me know when you feel ready to handle a bit more.”

“If you’re feeling shy about asking aloud for more, just tap his hip twice,” said Sarah. “That’s what I do, when I’m, uh…” She paused, looking embarrassed.

“Rendered non-verbal?” offered Tedd with a knowing smile.

 _Being screwed senseless_ , Susan translated to herself. _Or have your mouth full of Tedd._

Sarah gave a sheepish grin and nodded.

Susan nodded back. _What an odd way to have sex_ , she thought. With a lover who can adjust his anatomy to whatever dimensions desired. She smiled at Grace. “I think…I’m ready. If you are.”

Grace smiled. “Ready, willing, and able.”

“Um. Do you happen to have a condom with you?”

“Of course.”

Susan shook her head, and gave Tedd and Sarah a sideways glance. “We _really_ need to have a talk about your guys’ level of pre-planning at some point…”

“But not now?” asked Tedd, smiling.

Susan stroked Grace’s erection again, still thrilled by the new experience. She shook her head. “No. Not now.”

Sarah chuckled, and bent over the side of the bed to rummage in the backpack.

“You _do_ know I’m not fertile in this form, right?” asked Grace. “I can’t get you pregnant.”

“Yeah, but there’s only so much… _mess…_ I think I can handle, at least the first time. I’ve noticed, watching you three, that semen is pretty messy.”

Sarah laughed as she pulled a condom out of the backpack. “At least you don’t have fur to get it stuck in.” Grace rolled his eyes.

“Fur?”

“Oh, yeah. Grace’s fur is so fine, cum _really_ sticks to it, if we make love when she’s in her natural form,” said Tedd. “Gets kinda matted.”

“Takes forever to wash out,” Grace lamented.

Susan was a bit nonplussed. From assorted comments they’d made, she’d guessed that the triad sometimes made love while Grace was furry, but she’d never considered the practical ramifications.

Grace reached to take the condom packet from Sarah, then paused. “Can you open that for me, sweetie? My hands are still a bit oily.”

Sarah blinked, then nodded. “Oh, right. Oil can disintegrate latex.”

“Wait,” said Susan. “Do you mind…can I do that? I’d like to get the practice.”

Sarah handed the condom to her. “Sure. Be careful opening it, so you don’t tear it.”

Susan tentatively tore open the packet, then slid the condom out.

“Right,” said Grace. “That side is up. Pinch the tip, place it at the top of—yeah, like that. Let me pull my foreskin down a little—now just stroke down to unroll it onto my cock.” As Susan slid her hand down his hard length, he let out a throaty little sigh of pleasure. “ _Ahh_ , yeah _._ Like that.”

Susan sat back and looked at her handiwork. She absently wiped her hand on the sheet, wiping off the bit of lube she’d gotten on her. She shook her head and smiled. “Do I _want_ to know why you guys have neon blue condoms?”

The others laughed. Sarah said, “They were on sale at the sex shop. I don’t think anybody else wanted neon colors, either.”

“We’ve also got hot pink and lime green. Always happy to save a couple bucks,” said Tedd.

“If those are my other options, then I guess I’m grateful for the neon blue,” said Susan.

Grace lay back on the bed, and Susan moved to straddle him, mirroring Sarah’s position on Tedd. She first sat on his electric blue penis as it lay flat against his abs, feeling his length pressed up against her clit. She slid back and forth slowly, enjoying the pressure.

The physical sensation was similar to things she’d felt before, masturbating, but the psychological thrill made it so much more intense. This wasn’t some inanimate candlestick or vibrator; this was another person. A person who wanted her. Wanted to be _in_ her.

She gazed into Grace’s eyes, reveling in the warmth and lust she saw there. Susan knew she was pretty. Although she might at times wish for a few more curves, she was basically secure about that. But this, being desired, being _wanted_ at some deeper, purely animal level, was something else altogether. New. Knowing that she was the cause of the rock-hard erection she felt beneath her thrilled her no end.

She glanced over at Tedd and Sarah. Tedd was stretched out on the bed in the opposite direction, his head by Grace’s feet, and vice-versa. So Sarah, straddling Tedd’s waist, was facing her. Sarah smiled. “Ready?”

Susan nodded.

Sarah lifted herself up on her knees. “Just do it like this. It’ll allow you to control the speed and depth. You might need to spread your pussy lips apart a bit, to let him in.” She reached down and positioned Tedd’s erection so it pointed up into her, then she slowly sank down on him, sighing happily as she did so. She settled herself firmly, impaled on Tedd, then looked at Susan and Grace.

 _Simple enough_ , Susan thought. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t seen the triad doing exactly this several times before, but she appreciated the reminder and demonstration. She rubbed herself along Grace’s length once more, enjoying the feeling of his erection against her clitoris, then she duplicated Sarah’s maneuver, positioning Grace’s penis at the entrance to her vagina. She hesitated a bare moment, then lowered herself down onto him.

Susan shut her eyes and closed out all consideration of Tedd and Sarah. She just focused on Grace. On the hard, hot pressure slowly easing into her. She was fairly sure Grace’s body temperature wasn’t _actually_ higher than human normal, but somehow his penis felt hotter. Aside from the heat, it didn’t _physically_ feel all that different from slipping a dildo into herself. Psychologically, there was no comparison. This was a _person_. She opened her eyes to look at that person, to find Grace staring up at her with the largest smile on his face she could imagine. She smiled back happily.

“You feel _wonderful_ ,” Grace said.

Susan nodded, and experimentally lifted herself back up a short way, before lowering herself down again. “So do you.” She repeated the maneuver a couple of times, then bit her lip, and bashfully reached down to tap his hip twice.

She startled at the sensation of Grace’s penis swelling inside her. “Oh! _Fffffuck_ , that’s good,” she gasped, arousal finally overcoming verbal inhibitions.

She heard Sarah moaning next to her, and glanced over. Sarah was still on top, grinding her pelvis down hard against Tedd. He was pinching and pulling on her nipples, apparently to great effect. But they were both looking at them, at _her_ , their expressions intense and hot.

“ _So_ hot,” Sarah gasped. Susan smiled in agreement. She certainly felt beautiful. Desired. _Sexy._ It was not a word she had ever ascribed to herself before. Although she had felt arousal at being watched before, it was the first time she felt really, truly _sexy_ , a hot woman worth watching. Someone who could arouse others just by looking at her.

Susan returned her attention to Grace. As she thrust herself against him, she recalled something Sarah had said last week, about how a real live person was so much better than just a candle. She smiled through a quiet moan of her own, thinking, _Oh, isn’t it just…_

For a long, timeless moment, she finally _wasn’t_ thinking, but simply feeling. Suspended in that sensual cloud of physical sensation, not unlike when she was getting a massage. The almost overwhelming sensations of Grace sliding in and out of her, his chest and belly against hers, his hands running up and down her back, stroking her. Whenever rational thought threatened to take over again, to try and analyze what she was feeling, she pushed that part of herself down and focused on sensation. She was afraid that if she let rational thought start to take hold, irrational fear might follow close in its footsteps, and push her away from Grace.

In all her years of avoiding being touched, she had never quite imagined that touching would feel so intensely… _nice._ That short word seemed wholly inadequate to what she was feeling, but it was nonetheless fundamentally correct. The thought made her giggle, then she stopped, self-conscious, hoping that Grace wouldn’t think she was laughing at him.

But he looked completely unoffended as he smiled and asked, “Whats’s so funny?”

She shook her head. “Nothing funny. It’s just…you feel so _nice_. And I’m…so _happy_.”

“Oh. Good,” said Grace, looking pleased.

Susan heard Sarah give a quiet whimper. Sarah and Tedd were still watching Grace and her intently. Even as their bodies moved together in well-practiced rhythm, Sarah sliding up and down on Tedd’s erection, their attention was focused on the other couple. Sarah smiled happily at them.

“You are both _so_ hot. And beautiful. I get your whole ‘I like to watch’ thing a lot better now.”

“Me too,” said Tedd.

Susan didn’t understand quite how she could possibly blush by this point, but she somehow managed it. “Thanks,” she said shyly. She took in the sight of Sarah riding Tedd, and added, “You’re beautiful too.”

Sarah stopped moving up and down on Tedd, and reached over to take Susan’s hand in hers, lacing their fingers together. She lifted their hands to her mouth and gave Susan a tender kiss on the back of her hand. “I love you. I’m so glad I could share this with you.”

Susan felt her heart beat a little faster, and tears well up in her eyes. She pressed Sarah’s hand to her cheek.

“Love you too,” she said, her voice husky. “Thank you.” She looked at Tedd and Grace. “Thank you all. For sharing this—your selves—with me.”

Grace’s happy chuckle was deep and masculine and warmly sensual. “The sharing is thanks enough.”

Tedd said quietly, almost shyly, “I’m just glad you trust me enough to let me be here for this, with you.”

Susan had to crane her neck to look back at Tedd. She smiled. “I think…by this point, after all we’ve been through together…” She wasn’t quite sure how to put her feelings toward Tedd into words. _Complicated_ covered a large portion of it. Certainly she liked, and trusted him, as he said. She let go of Sarah’s hand and picked up Tedd’s. “I’m glad you’re here, too,” she said, and kissed the back of his hand.

Tedd blinked, a look of startled wonderment on his face, then he smiled back at her. “Me too.”

Susan smiled back at him, then the incongruity of it all struck her, and she giggled. She covered her mouth and tried to keep her giggles in, lest Tedd be offended.

“What?” asked Sarah curiously.

Susan shook her head, trying to contain her giggles, but then she felt Grace’s cock flex gently inside her and she laughed again. “Sorry. Sorry. It’s not you, Tedd. It’s just—I never imagined holding a conversation with someone else while sitting here, impaled on—on Grace’s penis.”

The others joined in her laughter, and Sarah said, “There are few better places to be sitting, except for maybe on Tedd.” She wiggled her hips against him, as if to reinforce her statement.

Susan, reminded, resumed her motion on Grace. As she did, she became aware of sensations other than arousal. She paused and took hold of Grace’s hand, where he was gently stroking her clitoris. “Wait…” she panted.

Grace reached up and rested his other hand on her cheek. “Time for a break?”

Susan nodded. “Kinda. Sorry. I—”

She paused, feeling oddly shy about talking about her physical sensations. She shook her head and smiled wryly. “ _Communicate_ , dammit,” she said quietly, quoting the short form of the triad’s motto. The others chuckled.

“What do you want to say, beautiful?” asked Grace.

“I…” Susan took a deep breath. “I’m really enjoying this, but…” she bit her lip.

“Is it too much touching?” asked Sarah.

Susan shook her head. “Not exactly. It’s just, well,” she gave Grace an apologetic smile. “I’m getting a little sore.”

“Oh. Not surprising. We can stop whenever you want.”

“Yeah, but…” She wasn’t sure why this desire embarrassed her so much. It certainly wasn’t unusual. She forced herself to look Grace in the eyes. “But I’d _really_ like to feel you come. Inside me. First.”

Grace smiled. “It would be my pleasure.” He caressed her breast, and said, “I was just holding back, trying to let you come, first.”

“He’s very gentlemanly that way,” said Tedd.

Susan snorted at Tedd’s remark. “That’s sweet, but…I don’t think I’m going to come again. Not this way.”

Grace nodded. “Yeah, I rarely come just from intercourse, when I’m female. I’d be more than happy to give you a helping hand, or tongue, afterwards, to help you finish.”

Susan considered that for a moment, checking in on how her body was feeling, then shook her head. “Thanks, but I’ve already had two orgasms. Which feels like plenty for now.”

“ _Two_?” asked Tedd, looking puzzled.

“Did you come twice while he was eating you out?” asked Sarah curiously.

“Oh. Right.” Susan closed her eyes, wincing, then she sighed and opened them. “I, ah, came the first time while Grace was massaging me.”

Sarah and Tedd both looked startled, but Susan noticed that Grace just smiled. “Thought so,” he said quietly.

“Wow,” said Sarah, looking impressed. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen—or rather, _not_ seen—an orgasm that quiet before. And I was watching you pretty much the whole time. When—?”

“ _Anyway_ …” Susan said, trying to change the subject. “If _you’d_ like to come, I’d enjoy that. Too.” She smiled and stroked his face. “I’d like to make _you_ feel good, too.”

“Oh, believe me, you do. Would you mind—how would you feel about me being on top?”

Susan gave the matter a few moments of serious thought. It was true, she liked the feeling of being in control that being on top provided. But…she trusted Grace. Obviously. And as she contemplated it, she felt a frisson of arousal at the concept of surrendering some of that control to him. Of letting _him_ ride _her_. That excitement surprised her, but she decided to embrace it.

“I think that would be a wonderful thing,” she said with a smile.

“Oh, good.”

“How…?” She glanced over at Sarah and Tedd. With them on the bed, there was not enough space for her and Grace to roll over while still joined.

Grace, apparently coming to the same conclusion, said, “Maybe you can stand up for just a moment?”

“Okay.” Susan lifted herself up off of Grace, gasping as his penis slipped out of her. “ _Oh_ …” Despite her soreness, she missed the feeling of holding him inside her. She slid off the bed and stood, a bit weak-kneed, as Grace rolled over and up onto his knees. She noticed Sarah and Tedd were taking the opportunity to change positions, too, although Sarah was getting onto her hands and knees, allowing Tedd to enter her from behind. Tedd and Grace were kneeling side-by-side at the foot of the bed, and Tedd took the opportunity to run his hand down the length of Grace’s back.

Susan sat back down on the bed and leaned back against the pillows Grace had been resting on. She maneuvered her legs so Grace was kneeling between them. Then there was a pause, while Grace just knelt there, smiling down at her. His penis jutted out, looking absurdly festive in its bright blue condom.

“What?” Susan asked, feeling somewhat disconcerted to be so studied. Especially with her legs parted and her swollen sex exposed.

“You…are so hot. I’m so lucky.” He bent forward to kiss each nipple, and murmured happily, “Such yummy tits.” He lay down atop her and kissed her before she could get any more flustered by his admiration, and he rubbed his penis along her vulva, pressing against her clit. He slipped a hand between them, and guided his penis into her. He slid his full length into her, then shifted a little. Susan gasped as the new position pressed his pelvis hard against her clitoris.

Grace propped himself up so he could look Susan in the face. “There are a lot of different ways you can position your legs, if you want.”

“Oh. Right. What do you like best?”

“Well, it depends. Your knees over my shoulders is great for hard and deep fucking, but if you’re sore already, that’s probably not the best right now. I also like…” He grinned. “I’d also like to slip my hands under you, to grab your gorgeous ass and pull myself deeper into you. It’s less vigorous than knees on the shoulders, and also, well, it’s about as tight a hug as you can get, especially if you wrap your legs around me, too.”

Susan had seen Grace and Tedd, and also Tedd and Sarah, in that position. It looked like fun—as Grace said, it was probably the tightest hug of any position she’d seen, the man’s arms wrapped tight around the woman, the woman’s arms and legs both wrapped around the man, each pulling the other close.

Susan smiled and wrapped her legs experimentally around Grace’s thighs. “Sounds like fun.” She put her arms around his shoulders, then moaned as he slid his hands under her buttocks and pulled himself deeper into her. “Oh, yeah, that’s fun,” she breathed. Without his hands to prop him up, Grace’s face was pressed into her shoulder. Susan turned her head and gave an experimental lick along the outside edge of his ear, and was rewarded with twitch and sharp inhalation of breath. She hesitated a moment, feeling unsure about her ability to “talk sexy,” but she decided to give it a try.

“You don’t have to hold back anymore,” she said softly into his ear. “I want to feel you come. I want to feel your…your _cock_ throbbing inside me.”

Her words elicited groans or whimpers of approval from the other three. She glanced over at Sarah, whose face was less than a foot from hers. Her expression was bright eyed and heated. Susan let one hand fall from Grace’s back to rest palm-up on the bed by her shoulder, touching the edge of Sarah’s hand. Sarah shifted her hand over and laced her fingers with Susan’s, pinning her hand to the bed, then she shot Susan a questioning look.

“Is that okay?”

Susan was surprised to find that it was more than okay, her pulse pounding faster in response. “Oh, _yes_.” She wrapped her fingers around Sarah’s in kind and squeezed back. Feeling Sarah’s hand in hers, feeling the force of Tedd’s thrusts into Sarah transmitted through that touch, was incredibly hot. Voyeurism up close and personal.

 _Hah. At what point does it stop being voyeurism and start being just sex?_ But she wasn’t really ready to examine that notion just yet. Especially not with Grace thrusting into her harder and faster, making all rational thought more difficult.

Sarah’s eyes closed as Tedd began entering her more forcefully, matching tempo with Grace’s increasing thrusts. Susan kept her gaze locked on Sarah’s face, fascinated as always by the changes her face went through as she approached orgasm. Sarah whimpered wordlessly for a few moments, before verbalizing her encouragements.

“Yes, sweetie, there, oh, _fuck_ yeah, there, give it to me, lover, come with me, come, _ahhhh_ …”

Susan felt a sympathetic rush of arousal run through her as she watched Tedd and Sarah coming. Sarah’s hand squeezed Susan’s tighter, and Susan squeezed back, wordlessly urging her friend to higher levels of passion.

Grace wasn’t immune to the heat of his lovers’ climaxes either, and his pace picked up, thrusting deeper and harder into Susan, his grasp on her buttocks tightening. He gave a final, deep thrust into her, moaning softly, “Oh, _Susan_ ,” as he did. Hearing him moan her name like that made her breath catch, and she shivered as she felt him trembling in her arms. She tucked her feet behind his knees, holding him tight. His penis jumped and throbbed inside her, and she hugged him to her as he came.

“ _Yes_ …” she whispered, feeling his cock twitch inside her. “Come for me,” she encouraged, taking her cue from Sarah’s words to Tedd. She felt an incredibly intense wave of emotions surge through her. It wasn’t _exactly_ an orgasm, but it was almost as overwhelming. Feelings of happiness, of warm contentment and, well, _pride_. Pride at the thought that she was making Grace feel this good. That she could be this close to someone, and enjoy giving them pleasure. It was immensely reassuring to her. _I’m not totally incapable of human contact. Not completely cut off._ She felt her eyes prickling with the intensity of her emotions, but she blinked the tears back. _I am_ ** _not_** _going to cry every single time someone touches me_ , she thought, annoyance displacing the warmth and contentment for a moment. She took a deep breath, relaxing herself, and the incipient tears receded.

Grace’s whole body went limp on top of her, gasping and panting, and he seemed to melt against her. He felt heavier on top of her than he had been up until now. Susan was surprised at how warm and comforting the sensation of his weight upon her was.

After a few moments of panting, he pulled his hands free and pushed himself up partway, getting some of his weight off of her. He brushed his hair back out of his face. He smiled at her and gave her a gentle kiss, his eyes half-lidded and looking content. “You are _wonderful_ ,” he purred.

Susan almost giggled at his satiated expression, feeling startlingly smug. _Heh._ ** _I_** _made him feel that way._ She didn’t know if he’d done it deliberately, but his moaning her name as he came reassured her that he hadn’t been imagining one of his other lovers at that moment. _Me._ “So are you,” she said. “Thank you.”

Grace chuckled. “This isn’t something that requires thanks. It’s its own reward.”

“Nonetheless.” She took a deeper breath. “I appreciate your patience. Your kindness.” She stroked the side of his face, and gave him a kiss. Pleased that she was able to do so.

Grace rolled to the side, off of her, carefully avoiding the edge of the bed. Susan felt his softening penis slide out of her as he went. Despite the gentle ache in her vagina, she was sorry to feel him go.

Sarah and Tedd shifted so they were spooned together, with Sarah in the little spoon position facing Susan and Grace. Sarah’s touch along her side was a familiar and comforting presence. Susan didn’t even jump when Sarah stretched an arm out to drape across her belly, hugging her.

Tedd cleared his throat. “ _Now_ can I say it?”

Sarah laughed. “Yeah, now that it won’t ruin the moment for her.”

“Eh? Say what? Ruin what?” asked Susan. She peered over Sarah’s shoulder at Tedd.

Tedd grinned and cleared his throat again, then spoke in deep, Shatnerian tones: “To boldly go where no man has gone before…”

Susan gaped at him for a moment, stunned that the phrase hadn’t occurred to _her_ , then she burst into giggles. The others joined in.

“You…you… _goof ball,_ ” Susan sputtered through her laughter.

“Hey, I can’t think of a person it’s more appropriate for than you,” said Tedd, also still laughing.

“True,” conceded Susan, as her laughter wound down, then she smiled at Sarah. “Nonetheless, _thank_ you for not letting him say that earlier. In the heat of the moment. That would have been…distracting.”

“Hah, see, I told you,” Sarah said.

He just grinned and shrugged. “I _did_ bow to your superior wisdom.”

Grace pulled away from her a bit, and Susan turned to watch curiously as Grace carefully slid the surprisingly full condom off his deflating erection. “When you’re with someone who _is_ fertile, you need to keep his cock away from your pussy after taking off the condom, until he has a chance to wash up,” cautioned Grace. “Enough cum is still on my cock to be risky.” He tied the open end of the condom in a knot, trapping the mess inside.

Susan nodded. “It only takes a single little sperm…”

“Yup.”

Susan gazed at his damp penis, and shuddered. She was suddenly very aware of all the residual oil on her body, and just how wet her thighs and vulva were. Even if it was all just her own sexual secretions, Grace’s having been safely contained in blue latex, it was still a bit much for her to tolerate, now that the heat of the moment had passed. The touch of her friends against her didn’t bother her, but the assorted messes—

She bit her lip, and sighed. “I really do appreciate your kindness, but now…now I’m going to have to ask for your understanding.” She glanced over at Sarah and Tedd, including them in the statement.

“How so?” asked Grace.

She gave him an embarrassed smile. “It’s not you. I trust you know that. But…I _really_ need to take a shower right now.”

“Of course, sweetie,” said Grace. “I’d have been amazed if you didn’t.” Susan relaxed at his words, relieved that he wasn’t offended, or hurt.

Sarah said, “Your guest room’s shower has two shower heads. It’s easily big enough for four people.” Susan was taken aback for a moment at the implied suggestion, then she smiled and nodded.

“Oh, really?” asked Grace. “Well, then. Shall we _all_ go get clean?”

“I’m all for some good, clean fun,” said Tedd.

Susan laughed, the prospect of getting to wash up helping her to relax. “My favorite kind of fun. Let’s.”

Susan rolled off the bed and stood up. She raised her arms overhead and stretched, standing on tiptoes for a moment as she reached towards the ceiling, enjoying the physicality of her body in a way that was a little new to her. Then she glanced back at the trio still on the bed, feeling self-conscious about her casual naked display.

All three of them were smiling at her. Grace was blatantly admiring her stretch. As was Tedd, she realized.

“ _So_ hot,” murmured Grace. Tedd and Sarah both nodded agreement.

Susan blushed, and said, “As are you. _All_ of you.”

Susan’s mother wasn’t due home from work for hours yet, so Sarah, who knew the way, lead the other two naked down the hall towards the guest room. Susan trailed a pace behind. She smiled, enjoying the play of Grace’s muscular buttocks as he walked. It provided a wonderful distraction from the feeling of being unclean. Tedd’s butt was pleasant to watch, too, she had to concede. Not as muscular as Grace’s, but nicely rounded. _Cute_ was the right word for it, she decided. _Cute little bubble butt_. She choked back a giggle at the thought.

Partway down the hall, Grace’s form shimmered and shrank, as she reverted to her human female form. Susan was startled. She had never seen Grace perform a shapeshift while walking before, only while holding still.

Susan watched the three of them automatically cluster together in the bathroom, touching without apparent conscious intent, just enjoying each other’s presence. The sight made her a little wistful, but not unbearably so. She wasn’t a core part of their triad, nor did she desire to be.

But still… _So. I’m no longer a virgin._ She shook her head thoughtfully. She’d meant what she’d said about her virginity not being anything “precious” to her. That aspect of the day’s events didn’t really matter to her. But what _did_ matter, felt wonderful, was having been that close to someone. The touching, the contact. In most ways that was far more significant to her than the actual sex.

Susan knew she still wasn’t ready for a boyfriend, for dating. That kind of one-on-one emotional intimacy still felt too fraught to be attractive for her. She still had too many issues to resolve, and no desire to inflict those issues on someone else while she worked them out.

But, that didn’t mean she couldn’t have _friends_. She smiled, and closed the distance between the trio and herself. She hesitated a moment, considering Grace’s female form, then shyly slipped her hand into Grace’s. The warmth and affection she felt towards Grace didn’t just disappear along with his penis.

Grace smiled and tilted her head up to give her a kiss on the cheek. “Hi, beautiful,” she said.

“Hi,” Susan echoed.

Sarah and Tedd studied the doubled set of shower controls for a moment, then Sarah looked back at Susan. She smiled when she saw her holding hands with Grace. She cocked her head toward the shower. “So. How do we make this work?”

Susan snorted. “Just keep on plowing through the awkward parts until we get it done?”

Grace chuckled. “Indeed.”

“Oh! I’ve got it,” said Tedd, leaning in to the shower to adjust the controls. The other three burst into laughter, causing him to look confused. “What?”

Sarah shook her head and gave him a quick kiss. “Nothing, sweetie. We’ll just keep on muddling through, and you’ll keep on showing us how.”

“Um. Okay?”

They all piled into the shower, and Susan relaxed as the cleansing waters poured over her body. Grace wrapped her arms around the other three, instigating a group hug.

Susan had to laugh, even as she returned the group embrace.

“Yes?” asked Grace.

“I’m naked, wet, and hugging you all. It’s…slightly surreal. Thank you all for a most memorable day.” Reflecting on the day brought an earlier suspicion back to mind. She shot Sarah a mildly accusatory smile. “You didn’t _really_ need Tedd to drive you here today, did you?”

“Ah…” Sarah bit her lip and glanced down.

Grace laughed. “Busted.”

Susan arched an eyebrow at Sarah. “Did you plan on this happening today?”

Sarah shrugged. “Well…we hoped this would happen _someday_ , but, honestly, I didn’t think it would be _today_.” She gave Grace a quick kiss on the cheek. “But Grace wanted to be prepared.”

“Wise squirrel,” Tedd said.

“I suspect she’s more aware than you are of how… _potent_ her massages are,” said Susan drily. “His massages. Whatever.”

“Well, I’m always happy to give you a massage,” said Grace.

Susan blinked. “Ah…”

“With or without the sex,” Grace amended. “I mean, non-sexual massage is fun, too.” She paused, then added, “Or so I assume.”

Susan choked back a laugh. “Never having done a massage that didn’t lead to sex?”

Grace shrugged, looking sheepish. “Well, not naked ones, anyway. Ones like the shoulder rubs I give Justin while at work are purely platonic.”

Susan froze a moment, temporarily dazzled by the mental image of male Grace massaging a naked Justin. “Um. Right. But…you’d be happy to do…this? Again?” She rubbed her hands up and down Grace’s and Sarah’s wet backs.

The other three exchanged silent glances, then Sarah said, “Well, kinda like your fairy doll voyeuring, it could be fun. Now and again. If you’re interested.”

“For special occasions, or something,” said Tedd.

“Ah.” Susan would have been willing to bet major money that she had no more blushes left in her today, but she’d have been wrong. “Well. Yes. Special occasions. That could be nice.”

“Oh, good,” said Grace. She gave Susan another kiss. “There are things we never got a chance to try.”

“Right. Right. Just…give me a few weeks to process all this with my therapist, first.” The others laughed, and Grace gave them all a squeeze before letting go.

“So. How do _you_ go about shampooing that much hair?” asked Grace curiously.

 

 

 


	5. Epilogue

 

“So, how has your week been going?” Dr. Tannen asked, as Susan sank into the comfy armchair in his office. She opened her mouth to reply to his standard opening line, and then stopped. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t considered a half-dozen ways to reply to his usual question, but suddenly all of those openings seemed completely inadequate to the task.

“Ah…” She licked her lips and struggled to think of a starting point. She tried to recall just _one_ of her pre-planned responses. _Just tell him_ , she urged herself. But her verbal skills seemed to have frozen, leaving her speechless.

Dr. Tannen waited for her to gather her thoughts with his usual patience. Then he did something she’d never seen him do before. His eyes went wide, and he covered his mouth with his hand. It looked like he was struggling to maintain his professional demeanor, but his eyes were crinkling with suppressed laughter.

 _Oh, shit_. Dreading what she would find, Susan slowly turned her head to look at Little Suze behind her. The fairy doll was sitting cross-legged on the doll-house bed, grinning and bouncing in excitement. It was holding up one hand, thumb and fore-finger forming an “O”, and poking the middle finger of its other hand in and out of that circle.

“ _Suze!”_ Susan exclaimed, blushing furiously. The doll froze and went plastic, as Susan shut off the magic animating the doll in her shock and embarrassment.

Unfortunately, Little Suze froze with its finger buried in the fist of the other hand, obscene gesture perfectly preserved.

“Frak!” Susan buried her face in her hands, not wanting to look at Dr. Tannen. _Stupid fucking fairy doll! Fuck fuck fuckity fuck!_ Her mind was a jumble of incoherent embarrassed obscenities. “ _Fuck!”_ she snarled softly into her hands.

After several more moments of silence, Dr. Tannen cleared his throat quietly. “Well. Yes. That _does_ seem to be what Little Suze was attempting to convey.”

Susan’s head snapped up, and she stared at him, eyes wide. She burst into giggles, her embarrassment slowly ebbing away in the face of his calm acceptance of this weird turn of events. His professional controlled demeanor had returned, although he was smiling at her. Looking gently amused.

Susan ran a hand through her hair. “Yeah. So…yeah. Sorry. That was _not_ how I planned to start this session. I don’t like to swear in front of you.”

Dr. Tannen waved that away. “Sometimes, emotionally charged vocabulary can be appropriate to the situation.”

Susan laughed again, and shook her head. “ ‘Emotionally charged.’ That’s a good way to put it.”

“So… from what Little Suze was ‘saying,’ I take it you have some progress to report?”

“ _Oh_ yeah.” Reminded of Little Suze, Susan hesitated a moment, then reanimated the fairy doll.

Dr. Tannen’s eyebrows went up. “That was quick. I didn’t expect you to forgive her so soon.”

Susan gave him a puzzled look. “It’s not someone to forgive. It’s _me_. My subconscious. Id. Whatever.”

Dr. Tannen nodded. “I’m aware. But you frequently address her— _it_ —as if it were an individual.”

Susan shrugged. “Eh. I suppose that’s just my way of distancing myself from the embarrassing things that come out. But I’m all too aware that it’s still just me, at its core.”

“So…Little Suze’s excitement…?”

“Hah. Yeah, some small giddy part of me wants to go dancing through the streets, shouting out to the world, ‘Hey! Look at me! I’m no longer a virgin!’ ”

Dr. Tannen nodded, blandly accepting this pronouncement. “And how do you feel about that?”

Susan shot him an exasperated look. “Really? The most clichéd question in psychotherapy is your response to that revelation?”

He gave a small unapologetic shrug. “It’s a cliché for a reason. Until I know better how you feel about what is, for most people, a landmark event in your life, I won’t know how to appropriately respond. To help you.”

“Yeah. Sorry.” Susan sighed and stared at the ceiling for a moment. “How do I feel? Mixed. Very mixed. A _lot_ of different emotions.”

After several moments of silence, Dr. Tannen asked, “What’s the general tenor of those emotions?”

“Actually, mostly positive.”

“So, pick one,” he suggested.

“Well…” Susan looked back at him with an embarrassed grin. “Like Little Suze said. Pleased. _Smug_ , even. That I was _able_ to have sex. To touch. _Be_ touched. In such an intimate way.” She ran a hand through her hair, and tried to put it into more coherent words. “It wasn’t the sex qua sex that was important. I mean, yeah, it was nice, wonderful even, Grace is a talented and considerate partner, but the touching itself was more significant.” She giggled as a different way to frame it occurred to her. “The fact that a lot of the touching was done by his penis in my vagina was almost secondary to the touching itself.” Then she blushed and buried her face in her hands, not quite believing that she’d just said that out loud.

Dr. Tannen chuckled, and Susan relaxed. “I presume all of this started with the massage Grace had offered you?”

Susan nodded. “Yeah. She shifted to a male form before starting, saying she could give a better massage with larger, stronger hands. And though true, that was partially a pretext. It turns out that the three of them had discussed what the ‘next step’ in our odd sexual relationship might be, too. And Grace was trying to open the door for interactions between us that were more intimate than just watching.”

“Successfully.”

“Yeah.” Susan paused a moment to gather her thoughts. Dr. Tannen most certainly didn’t need explicit details of what had happened, but what she _felt_ , her emotional responses, were relevant.

“It quickly became clear to me, as the massage segued into sex, that the three of them had discussed the possibility. There was no way Grace would attempt to seduce me without prior permission from Tedd and Sarah.” She shook her head. “They even brought condoms with them.”

“That’s good. Were you bothered by this fore planning?”

“I was…a little taken aback. It felt…presumptuous. Almost…cocky? Arrogant?”

“How so?”

“I mean, I know it’s not as if we hadn’t already engaged in some sort of sexual activity together. Even if it was non-traditional. But the fact that they had planned that far ahead, brought condoms, reached a consensus amongst themselves, it was…” Susan trailed off, not quite certain of how to express her discomfort.

“How is that different from you discussing the very same possibility with me?”

Susan laughed. “Yeah. There’s the rub. I feel a little hypocritical for being annoyed at them for thinking of the same things _I_ was thinking about.” She shrugged. “But as Tedd says, I’m not Vulcan, and thus, occasionally irrational.”

Dr. Tannen chuckled. “Indeed.”

Susan shot him a wry smile. “Obviously, it didn’t bother me enough to make me back out of the situation. And I could have, at any point, Grace was very clear about that.”

“That’s good.”

Susan nodded. “All in all, it was probably about as…painless a first sexual experience as I could have hoped for, especially with my assorted neuroses. Well, not just painless. It was _wonderful._ Grace was so gentle and thoughtful.” She blushed an looked away from Dr. Tannen for a moment. “He was able to adjust his…anatomy…to whatever was most comfortable for me. Grace was—they _all_ were—very sweet, and kind.”

“I’m glad for you.”

Susan smiled. “Me, too. They were even understanding when I told them I needed to shower right away, afterwards.” She chuckled. “It was Sarah who pointed out that our guest room shower was large enough for four people.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah.” Susan found herself blushing a little more. “While Sarah was helping Tedd to wash up, he started to, ah, become aroused again, and it occurred to Grace that there was a way I might be comfortable with…um…oral sex. Giving it, I mean, not receiving.” She gave an embarrassed smile. “A way I could be certain that Grace was as clean as I could possibly wish.”

“And were you comfortable with it?”

“What makes you think I actually took him up on it?”

“Ah…” Dr. Tannen’s glance flickered to the side, looking over her shoulder.

Susan closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose, looking pained. She sighed and looked back at Dr. Tannen. “You know how sometimes I ask if I want to know what Little Suze is doing…?”

“In this instance, I suspect that you might be happier not knowing.”

“Yeah.” Susan shook her head ruefully. “I never knew my subconscious was so flipping _crude_ ,” she muttered. “Well. In any event, yes, I—we— _did_ try it. I kinda surprised myself, actually. I mostly enjoyed it.”

“Did it cause you any distress?”

“Not…at the time. It was…fun.” At the time she’d enjoyed it quite a bit. Kneeling side by side with Sarah in the shower, taking her cues from Sarah and Tedd. Sarah offering advice and encouragement. Being able to give back to Grace, to make him feel good much as he had for her, had been a delight and another source of pride. She couldn’t bring herself to allow him to climax in her mouth, of course, but he’d seemed perfectly content with a soapy helping hand as she sucked on his nipples.

“ ‘Not at the time’ implying that there was distress later?” Dr. Tannen asked, interrupting her reverie.

Susan nodded. “It wasn’t until later that night that I had a minor freak out.”

“In what way?”

“I was thinking about the day’s events later that night, as I fell to sleep.” Masturbating to those memories, actually, but that wasn’t relevant. She shook her head and laughed bleakly. “I think I spent so much energy suppressing my neurotic reactions all afternoon, that when I finally let my guard down, thought back about what had happened, all those suppressed reactions came roaring back at me. I couldn’t believe I’d actually had another person’s genitals into my mouth. And even though he didn’t…uh, _finish_ …in my mouth, I still tasted some, uh, pre-cum.” Susan suppressed a small shuddered once again at the memory. Even though she’d enjoyed the taste at the time, it still bothered her a little.

“Were you worried about disease?”

“Yeah—no—I mean, yes, but not rationally. _Objectively_ , I know that the three of them are a closed group. I trust them, explicitly and implicitly. They’ve only ever had sex with each other.” _And now me._ “There’s no _reasonable_ way for STIs to have been introduced into the group, aside perhaps from oral herpes. But…” Susan shrugged. “My fears aren’t rational. Obviously.”

“Indeed.” When Susan remained silent for several moments, he asked, “You called it a ‘minor’ freak out. Was it not as severe as you might have feared?”

“Yeah. It was over fairly quickly. And even though I had the urge to get up and rinse my mouth out with mouthwash, I didn’t.” She shook her head. “Isn’t that a stupid thing to feel proud of? _Not_ gargling?”

“Not at all. That is actually quite an accomplishment, for you.”

“Oh. Thanks.” Susan smiled, bashfully pleased at this affirmation.

“So, aside from that late night ‘freak out,’ did you have any other delayed reactions to the day’s events?”

“Umm…” She was pretty sure that her heightened libido wasn’t the kind of side-effect he was looking for. She considered the more emotional side of things. “Mostly, it’s made me reconsider some things about myself. About my phobias, my neuroses. Even as messed up as I am, and though it was a little uncomfortable at times, I was still able to, you know, do it. So, maybe someday, I’ll be un-neurotic enough to actually date someone. Normal enough to be in a romance.” She looked at Dr. Tannen, and was startled to see him frowning slightly.

“What?” she asked him.

He paused a moment, as if marshaling his thoughts, then said, “You claim that you’re too messed up, too neurotic to date. To be in a romantic relationship with someone.”

Susan shrugged uncomfortably. “Well. Yeah. I just can’t imagine inflicting my neuroses on someone else. On an intimate level. That doesn’t seem fair to them. But maybe someday I’ll be better.”

“When?” Dr. Tannen gazed steadily at her, looking almost challenging.

“Pardon?”

“ ‘Someday’ when? When will you be ‘un-neurotic’ enough to have a boyfriend, a lover, a relationship?”

Susan squirmed a little in her seat, looking away from Dr. Tannen. “I don’t know. I just…not yet.”

“To be clear, I’m not questioning your statement that you don’t _feel_ ready for a relationship—that’s something that only you can decide. But I _am_ challenging the notion that you must be non-neurotic, and ‘normal,’ in order to date.” He smiled a little, softening the criticism. “ _No-one_ is ‘normal.’ Completely free from neuroses and psychological quirks. Whether Human, Uryuom or Miktela, neuroses almost seem to be a defining characteristic of sapient life.” He paused, looking thoughtful for a moment. “The first time we create machine intelligence, the way we’ll know that it’s truly alive might be by the fact that it’s also neurotic.” He blinked, then shook his head. “Sorry. That’s beside the point.”

Susan sighed. “I see what you’re saying, but…I don’t know. I just want to be a little more well-balanced before I date someone.”

Dr. Tannen nodded. “And that’s fine. But I don’t want you to hold yourself back from dating, from experiencing a relationship, just because you’re not ‘perfect’ enough for your partner. Is Tedd, or Sarah, or Grace perfect? Completely free from neuroses?”

Susan smiled faintly. “Of course not.”

“And yet they somehow manage to have a relationship. An even more complex than average relationship.”

“Yeah…”

“I just want you to entertain the notion that you don’t have to be ‘perfect’ in order to form an intimate relationship with another person. You’re not perfect now, and yet you’re managing to have a fairly intimate relationship with Sarah, Grace and Tedd. It might not be conventional, romantic, or as deeply connected as the three of them are with each other, but it _is_ an intimate, complex relationship. Deeper than most casual friendships. And they all accept you just as you are now, flaws and all.”

Susan found herself blinking rapidly, trying to keep tears from forming, as she recalled Grace’s casual response of “Of course, sweetie” when she told him that she needed to take a shower after sex. He—none of them—had been surprised by that, nor did they seem to judge her for it. She also recalled something Sarah had said to her once, after washing out a glass out for her: “It’s just what I automatically do when you’re around. You’re worth far more to me than a few washed glasses and paper towels.”

 _Could someone love me, even when I’m like this?_ The very notion was unnerving, yet hopeful. She took a deep, shuddering breath, and shook her head, forcing back her incipient tears. “Yeah. They do accept me,” she admitted quietly.

“I might venture to say that some, or all of them, love you.”

Susan nodded slowly. “Sarah, certainly. Grace…she’s so kind-hearted and loving…I guess it wouldn’t be wrong to say she loves me.” She blushed and looked down a moment. “I think I love her, to an extent.” Then she snorted and shook her head, looking up at Dr. Tannen with a wry smile on her face. “Maybe even Tedd, in his own weird way, though, honestly, I wouldn’t swear to that one, just yet.”

Dr. Tannen smiled at that appraisal. “So. You’re not unloveable, or undesirable, despite all your self-perceived flaws and neuroses. With someone you trust, even touching is not impossible for you. So, perhaps, might a deeper relationship with someone be achievable sooner, rather than later?”

Susan took a deep breath and held it for a moment, then blew it out, trying to release some of her tension. She startled a little as Little Suze flew into her view, and landed on her arm. Which was odd; Little Suze usually spent therapy sessions out of sight behind her, playing in the doll house.

The little construct stared up at her, a gentle smile on its face. Susan stared back at it, this externalized window into her own subconscious, wondering what it was about. Then she realized Suze was just barely nodding, almost imperceptibly, as it smiled at her. She snorted, and smiled back at it, then at Dr. Tannen.

“Yeah. Yeah, I think ‘sooner’ might not be unachievable, after all. Certainly sooner than ‘never,’ which is what it felt like a few months ago.”

Dr. Tannen smiled. “Good. I’m glad.”

“Yeah. Me too.” Susan felt her shoulders relax, and she felt a little light-headed, practically giddy with reaction. Almost ridiculously happy at the thought. Little Suze launched itself into the air, and flew in barrel-rolls between the two of them, grinning widely. Susan laughed at the antics.

_Yeah. Sooner. Definitely sooner._

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
